What a week it has been.  It has been busy, filled with a little bit of turmoil and yet, at the end it comes down to a good bit of rest.  It is amazing how Ginger and I's weekly Saturday date night just makes everything melt away and I truly get to embrace what really matters in life.  No matter how hard, busy, fast, a week as it has been, when 4pm hits on Saturday everything is put in a box, it is sealed up, thrown in a closet and our fun begins. 

So truly where to begin.  The fun stuff.  I went and got a new camera flash!  A Canon 430 ex II.  It's a mid range flash that is exactly what I need for my first external flash.  And now, finally, as I read through my photograph magazines and they say set your external flash as so, I can do it!  I've also gotten a couple of books on Photoshop Elements 10 and I'm delving head first into learning the program inside and out.  Funny I was resistant to both flash and post production of photographs at first.  But I've been able to see the benefit of both.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still a big ambient light person, but my resistance to change is waning.  Ginger seemed to be excited to hear she was going to be my model since I'll need to practice.  Bring on the head shots!

So at work I began hearing rumors of some of the things that are said about me.  Truly, though, doesn't that happen at any work place?  I've kept my past rather quiet, I mean everyone knows I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm not shy about that fact.  But as far as what that past addiction looked like I've been very selective about what I share.  Not that I'm embarrassed, I just have chosen to move on.  There is a lyric, though, by DC Talk a Christian group, that goes, "Seperated, I cut myself clean, from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams."

However, it seems that some of those things in my past have become common knowledge that was spread throughout the employees and even a few residents, things in my application (isn't that a legal issue?).   Interestingly enough, those same things I've stood at a podium in front of hundreds of people and spoke them in my testimony.  And then to top it off I heard a rumor of not to tell me anything because I'll tell it (of all people I heard this from a resident, who didn't believe it for a minute).  Isn't it funny, it's MY past thats getting talked about and I'm the one that is telling it!  I had to stop a minute and wonder why my trustworthiness was being put in question.  The fact is if I told everything I knew and heard, well, I'll just say I know a WHOLE lot more than people think I do.

But as I examined myself, my integrity, I realized that to my knowledge I don't go around telling people things.  In fact, quite honestly it is the opposite, people come and tell me things.  I told one person about this rumor and she goes, "Your the quiet one?"  Yep, that's right.  I got that reputation early on in my employment as the quiet one.  And quite honestly, I don't know the motivation behind what was said about me, but I realize that it hasn't effected those that truly are my friends.  My friends, after all, would come to me if they heard something they had said.  But I digress, I'm over that.  Rumors are just that, rumors.  If you want to know something about me just ask, that's all I'm asking for.

As far as my past, because it has been brought up it has allowed me to give my testimony to a few people.  Who?  That's confidential.  (I couldn't resist).   The point is, just because I don't talk about my past doesn't mean I won't share about it if asked.  I'm not embarrassed, or afraid, it is what it is. Certain people pick up on different language and realize I'm a recovering alcoholic and will ask about it.  I'm not shy, I'll share.  But talking about people behind their back, well, it's rude and it's wrong.  If your not man, or woman enough to say it to my face, then don't say it. 

Everyone with a past, especially like mine, goes through this, at least that has been my experience.  We get together and talk about how people talk about us!  And we laugh sometimes and other times we cry.  We may get mad, but in the end we know we are not alone.  Because the truth is, no matter how much of a saint you think you've been, we all have a past.  Some worse than others, but it was Jesus who stated, "He who has no sin may cast the first stone."  As far as I know, no one on this earth will be able to cast that stone.....


P.S.  My wife knows about none of this until she reads this so for those of you who've been talking, it's not me you should worry about.....


  1. You are one of the most honest & open people I know! Well said, and let it run off your back. I respect you & so send them on to me! You are a fine example of what a good Christian man should be!

  2. I don't know why people have to be that way, Paul. But, I do know it is about their weaknesses, not yours. Baaaa... t.


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