Black Widow and Boundaries

Okay so as of the last post, ninja mouse has disappeared.  Seems all the unwanted attention has sent him (or her) back to the field, or someone else is serving up a better meal!  That or me sealing all the cracks I could find (love that spray foam!) has given them no access to the traps.  As it is we have another memory, and story, that we have a lifetime to share!

So I have some fun little pictures to share with you:

I hope your not scared of spiders!  This deadly but beautiful spider was at work where the water shut off valve is at.  But it allowed me to lead into my topic for today which is boundaries.  The shot was taken with a 55-250mm zoom lense, so I was able to be a good 4 feet away and take the shot.  I learned a little about lighting, this was about my 5th shot and as you can see it turned out gorgeously.  The funny thing is whenever I showed the picture everyone asks, did you kill it?  No, I left her alone.

But I got to thinking this weekend about boundaries.  I have them in my life, but it is funny how people really want to test them.  Not my loved ones.  They absolutely don't.  But it is interesting how when my boundaries conflict with what someone wants to accomplish, they see my boundaries as secondary.  For example, I have two boundaries I hold steady with.  One is, on Saturday if I am working or helping someone, I don't work past 4.  Period.  Why Paul?  Because from 4 on as I get home to get cleaned up, it's date night.  I'm Ginger's.  I don't care how much money I'm, being paid that time I have alone with Ginger is more valuable.  The other is during the week, I will not stay out past 9:30.  Again, has to do with Ginger.  First of all, Ginger has meds she takes at night, typically around 9:40.  If I am not home for part of the night Ginger typically will fall asleep, even if I am home she will take a little "nap".  If I am out and call, she will usually not hear her phone, texting or calling.  So it is important that I am home so that she gets up and takes them. 

But isn't it interesting that when I tell people these things, how their agenda seems to be pushed to the front.  In my former codependent state I would do what they wanted instead of what I wanted, wanting to please them instead of holding firm to my boundaries.  Now I push back.  I stand firm.  Just because you have something that you feel is more important than my wife, that is not my problem.  Especially since I'm up front at the very beginning of whatever I'm doing with said person.  I don't mix words, I don't beat around the bush.  It's why I could never be at a job that I'd have to be on call.  Because the minute the choice would be between a call and my wife I'd get fired because I choose my wife every time.  Read that, every time. 

You see, for those that don't know my wife is bipolar.  Don't worry, she is more apt to tell you than me, she is very open with her mental illness and is quite candid in spreading the word that you can live a very successful and fulfilling life with the illness.   It takes work though, work that she and I both happily embark upon together to make life happier.  But it saddens and angers me when someone continues to try and push the above boundaries for their own agenda.  There is alot to taking care of someone who is bipolar.   I take on the responsibility happily because I love my wife more than life itself. It takes time and it takes a commitment beyond the ordinary. 

The reason the spider reminded me of boundaries, well, she is about a foot from the turn off valve.  Respect her boundaries and she leaves you alone.  Cross into her boundaries and your liable to get attacked, for even though your bigger, she doesn't see that, and she is powerful enough to take you down.  The only way besides not crossing her boundaries is to kill her.  I feel pretty strongly about my boundaries.

We have a very happy life.  God provides for us abundantly in many ways.  I've seen too many marriages and relationships get ruined because work or ministry took priority over a loved one.  It's either "God's work" has to be done, or "we have to provide for the family".  Got a novel idea for ya, trust God to provide for you and let Him lead you in ministry.  Ginger is my number one ministry.  Period.  God didn't give me this beautiful, priceless jewel of a wife to neglect her, to put her on a shelf while I go work or do ministry and leave her to collect dust on a shelf.  There is a time for work and yes, there is a time for ministry.  But you also have to make time for your family.  After all, if work is taken away, or ministry, what will you have left?   An empty home?  Just something to think about....


P.S.  This blog has been Ginger approved.

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