I am Back!

 So this is so going to shock the world!  I am back on my blog.  What a year and a half or so?  There is so much to unpack here but no worries, if I don't get it in one blog I will get it in several.  But most that know me will understand I will get in a zone and just write.

But what about the photographs?  Oh my family and friends I have never stopped taking pictures.  I have lots to edit.  But I am thankful.  Every week at church I can take my camera and take the pictures I desire and those that staff would like me to do.  It might take a bit to get back in this routine but I can assure you I am ready.

 

 So as I am looking through my pictures this happens to be one of my favorites.  Lots going on here and typically I try to let you interpret what it means to you.  This one, for me is different.  So for those that don't know my Dad has Parkinson Psychosis.  This disease is insidious.  It is cruel.  It takes someone you love and ravages their mind and body.   And those of us who love someone this horrible disease are left to try to help someone who, for all purposes cannot take care of themselves.  It's easy to get mad.  At God, the world, sin, disease.  I mean ya'll  know, I tell it like it is.  But for those of us who believe in God, and you may not, we realize we live in a fallen world.  Sin is rampant.  Disease is part of this world.  I hate it.  Ginger has bipolar and anxiety, I have depression, and so we know what it is like to suffer from a broken brain.  

So when I was last up I decided to practice my fast exposure photography.   Those that know me realize I am self taught.  I practice, and practice and practice.  I take 1000 pictures to get 10 get good ones.  Published, awards and such I have but this is one of my top favorites.  So this shot is not the sharpest.  It is not going to win awards.  But that does not matter, not to me.  I call this shot bird angel.  I told my Mom when I saw this shot that it told me this, God is surrounding my parents house with bird angels.  I have this thing with birds.  When I wake up and hear the bird I realize God takes care of them and He will take care of me.  This shot was a reflection of that.  

So some may ask why did you stop?  A few reasons.  My depression hit my hard.  Extremely.  I had not hit levels like this since 1995.  I will not regurgitate what happened then.  But with what was going on with my Dad, worrying about my Mom and brother, and work.  Oh goodness work.  Have you ever known a person who is narcissistic and gaslights you for years.   I felt trapped.  And so I isolated.  I stopped social media.  I stopped blogging.  The only thing I did not do, was set down my camera.  And this might sound crazy to some of you, but my camera was my life line.  Okay let me rephrase that.  Through God, my wife, my Mom, my Life Group and my Church who encouraged me through my photography, I was able to slowly, surely, begin to see myself.

My boss told me that my Life Group could not help me stay sober.  I needed, well, his group to stay sober.  No offense to him, my life group saved me.  I will not mention names (It starts with J), but I was able to go to one of my closest friends there and just say, hey I am struggling.  Know what happened?  No condemnation.  No judgement.  A hug.  Prayer.  Call me if you need me.  Remember the woman who just touched the garment of Jesus?  That is how I felt.  Broken.  I am in one of my lowest points and you know what he does?  He affirms me.  He comforts me.  I don't have to stay here.  Isn't that what Jesus did?  I have no idea what people think of their Life group but let me tell you this. (The J is not for Jesus but God used him in such a mighty way)

There is a reason they call it life.  You come together and it is life.  This is what I love about my life group.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT!  In ours, you can walk in and be a wreck.  Truly.  Life sucks, work is more than you can handle, family is, well, crazy, and you know what a true life group does?  They don't try to fix you.  They rally around you.  Can I say this?  Without mine I could very well be back to 1995 except succeed. 

So I knew God would let me know when the right time to start again was.  This is it.  I am still a photographer at church and that saves me in more ways than you know.

And, this is an open secret.  I have a job offer.  My dream job has always been helping on a ranch.  Since 2007 I have helped a friend of mine on Saturday mornings.  I now have a possible chance to help on a big ranch.  I am being vague, I have too.  But the owner and I have hit it off really well.  And we met through a mutual friend, a very good friend.  I see God all over this and I hope to share some good news very soon!

So expect more pictures and expect more writing.  I am back.  It took a little while, but God is good, He always goes after the one from the 99.

baa