Week 7: Recipe for Love

Every time I walk Sophie I walk by this little statue.  It has always intrigued me.  And since I am actually in a group now that is doing the 52 week challenge and this weeks challenge was look up, this was just perfect.  I wanted it to look mysterious and a little bit eerie so a little bleach bypass (a technique I use and love) helped to set the tone.  What is she holding?  That is for you to decide.  That is what I love about it, it leaves room for interpretation.

So last week I blogged about being defined by decisions in mental disorders.  I wanted to follow up on that with this.  There is a huge, and I mean huge difference to those that are struggling to maintain order and manage their mood and those that just don't do a thing to help themselves.  For example, Ginger is stable but she still has flare ups.  Friday she had an anxiety attack.  But we have tools and ways to help mitigate her through the maze of anxiety.  And sometimes the words and actions she says and does are done out of the illness.  She will say, this is not me, this is the anxiety, or the ocd.  She is cognizant of the fact.  And I am constantly telling her I can tell what is her and what is the disease.  And in those moments I give her grace, encouragement, and let her get out whatever she may need to to get it out of her head.  Managing the mood.   And after an attack usually the next day she may sleep longer than usual.  It is her body's way of resetting her brain.

So Valentine's Day was Thursday and Ginger and I had a wonderful one.  She is my soul mate.  Not a week goes by that we are asked about our relationship.  What makes it so special, what is the secret?  I hate to disappoint everyone but there is no one secret.  But there are some things we do in our relationship that help it grow and nurture.

1)  God.  So we both are believers and believe in God.  He is first in our life and we come under His guidance.  This is very important in our relationship and we make no apologies for that.  We pray together, we discuss God together, and we seek Him in decisions together.

2)  Communication.  Ginger and I's relationship started with communication.  We would spend hours together just talking.  Talking about life, each other, hopes, dreams, struggles and triumphs.  Nothing was off limits.  There were hard things to talk about and fun things as well.  Even today we can talk about anything.  And THAT is amazing.  She is the biggest healer of my depression, bar none.

3) Love and Respect.  Ginger and I love each other dearly.  There is nothing that I would not do for her and vice versa.  She respects me.  She loves the fact that I am the man of the house.  She does not try to take over the leadership of the house and I do not try to control her like she is some kind of second class citizen.  Ginger is a priceless crown jewel and she should be treated as such.  And there is not another man she would rather be with.  There is no man that is more handsome than me to her.  And there is no girl prettier to me than her.  And we say as much.  What other people do in their relationships is their business, but not once have we been watching TV or been out and she comment on some other guy.  That is respect.

4)  Compassion.  I have always wanted Ginger to know that she is the most important thing in my life.  She comes above jobs and hobbies even ministry.  In fact, she is my number one ministry.  God made us one and taking care of her is of the utmost importance.  And I want to show her my love.  I hug her, I kiss her, I stroke her hair when we lay on the couch.  Simple acts of kindness that go a long way in making her feel special.  And now our ministry is helping others navigate through mental disorders.  Serving with your best friend is amazing. 

5)  Saying I am sorry.  So I am guy and I can say the wrong thing.  Ginger can to, but I am the one that is usually putting my foot in my mouth.  Or I may say something that I did not mean as harsh but sounds that way.  Or I give a look that I don't know I am giving.  I could get defensive (and have) or I could just say sorry, I didn't mean too.  Want to be right or happy?  Simple word sorry, but so many people just don't know how to say it.

6)  Give room to grow.  I have a hobby and even Ginger reads, plays Words with Friends, and such.  We don't smother each other.  At the same time we encourage each other to pursue passions and dreams.  As long as it does not take away from each other.

7)  Date night.  Since we have been married we have had one night that is for just us.  Not for friends, or family, or anything else (unless we just cannot schedule it differently).  We do this weekly.  This is important.  Sooooo important.  It is a time that is just for us.  It doesn't have to be fancy (going out to eat, going home and watching hallmark is a favorite), but it gives a time for just us alone.   And if something needs to be talked about, this is the time.  And of course snuggling on the couch is fun too....

These are just some of the things that as I sit here and blog that helps make our relationship grow and flourish.  I have had people tell me the passion will die after 7 years (over 9 now and the passion is stronger than before) or that I need to put x in front of her while I am doing x.  Can't do it.  Ginger is my best friend.  Yes there are times at work where I just cannot talk.  But there are times that I hear in her voice she needs to.  Can you guess what I do?  I talk to her.  Help her.  Maybe you disagree, and that is fine, but going on 10 years and still getting the flutters every time I see her means maybe, just maybe, we are doing something right.

Baa