Week 7 Squirrels and Fear
So it is a balmy 72 degrees in Texas today. The windows are open, a breeze is blowing in every now and then and Ginger is in the kitchen cooking Northern Bean Soup. Of course this next week the temp is suppose to go down again, rain is coming, and then another warm up I am sure.
So Sophie and I were galavanting around the back this afternoon. She likes to run side to side and then sniff the fence line all around and then ends up by the big tree. So I heard the chatter of a squirrel and walked over and there was a squirrel halfway up the tree giving Sophie an earful. Sophie didn't pay much mind, she looked up then went right back to sniffing. I walked over and the squirrel decided to give me a talking to as well, then went up on it's perch.
So what does Paul do? Goes and gets his camera of course. I figured I better grab it before it took off so I didn't get my tripod, but my Sigma 150-600 is pretty good handheld so as our resident squirrel posed I got some shots:
Then when I decided maybe I should get my tripod, I walked in, came out and squirrel decided that photo time was over. I didn't mind, I can shoot with a pretty high ISO (Camera talk) and still get a sharp picture.
Yesterday at Rebecca's I saw this and just had to take a shot. I titled it, "A Mean Game of Checkers"
You can relax though, it is only a BB gun. But as rustic as Rebecca's place is this just fits. And I absolutely love the puzzle table by the window, a special table with some pretty big significance.
So how can you tell the depression is lifting? Your in the kitchen in the morning cooking breakfast and lunches for the week. Photography becomes fun again and you clean up your studio for the next round of creativity. Of course depression is just something I live with. I have not been healed from it but I do know how to live with it and I know when to reach out.
So God has definitely been speaking to me. Amazing as you delve into His word and you pour out your concerns to Him. And I have been. One of the things that has always kept me from starting up my own business in photography and art is not only the fear of losing the passion I have for it but the fear of failure. Could I make it? I mean I've been told I have the talent. And I've kept those fears to myself. So when circumstances this week at work had me questioning some things, I took my concerns to God.
I mean let me be honest. For me at work being comfortable would be just getting the job I am suppose to do, let me go do it, give me the next job with preferably something that I have strengths in. I mean I am an introvert. This is far from what I am going through. My work load has increased astronomically and this introvert is being pushed into an extroverts world. And I hate it. So I went to God. Hey, do you see what is going on down here? I was under no illusion that God would just pat me on the head and say it's okay. I wanted His wisdom and His truth. And I got it. First He reminded me of my journey I have been on since I got sober. Each job or ministry position, or time in my life was a time of learning and preparing for the next phase of life. When a new phase would be coming, I would have this same fear. And yet, when the time was right and God had prepared me, His peace would walk me through into the next phase. Where Ginger and I live, jobs, ministry, walking through Ginger's illness, my depression, learning photography and art. I could go on, God did.
I mean I have gone from having a regular job, to being an independent contractor to, well, maybe a business owner. And where? Here, Georgetown, Waterloo, Somewhere else? I don't know, maybe none of it. The path is not clear ahead of me, it is foggy and there is lots of uncertainty. And when I am uncertain I have always said the wisest thing to do it wait upon God (Isaiah 40:31). The last time this happened it was about 2 years before anything happened. But here is the thing, here is the first word God gave me. Trust Me. After walking me through the last 18 years of a life of recovery He asked, "Have I ever dropped you? Have I ever left you? Are you ever alone?" And the answer is no. Even when I feel abandoned on a job, I cannot tell you how many quick prayers up to God for guidance, that it has come. When my depression has left me where all I can do is just go to work, God has always made sure to give me His strength to make another day. When Ginger is sick and there seems to be no answer, God has spoken through me or given me His wisdom to help her.
So after bearing my soul to God (who already, I might add, already knew what was in it) as if I was emptying myself He began filling me up. In the past couple of days I have had really good talks with two really good friends, one is a very smart computer guy the other owns his own business. I went Saturday to Rebecca's who is an artist herself and supported herself with her craft for many years. I am encouraged that God is in control.
So why share all of this? Sometimes we need to have a heart to heart with God. David, a man after God's own heart, did. Many people in the Bible did. Didn't Jesus ask for the cup to be lifted from Him if at all possible but then said, but Your will not My will? And that is what I said. Your will God. Where do you want me. Because in the past couple of weeks I have had conversations with people who have either dealt with depression or have loved ones who lost the battle with it. And it is then that I realize that my job is more than a job, it is a ministry to talk with people, maybe let God help them, or me. God knows I am an introvert. Yet He gives me strength when I need to be extroverted. And suddenly perspective changes and I realize that indeed, God is in control and that yes, God does know what I am going through and what is going on down here. And that is a sobering thought and yet an encouraging thought. So I am not comfortable right now, but am I growing and learning? Yes. But sometimes I try to rely on my own strength and I have to remember not to do that. God is so much stronger than me. And that was the other word He gave me, Rely on Me.
So this morning I asked God to speak through me for this week's blog. Another answered prayer.
Baa
So Sophie and I were galavanting around the back this afternoon. She likes to run side to side and then sniff the fence line all around and then ends up by the big tree. So I heard the chatter of a squirrel and walked over and there was a squirrel halfway up the tree giving Sophie an earful. Sophie didn't pay much mind, she looked up then went right back to sniffing. I walked over and the squirrel decided to give me a talking to as well, then went up on it's perch.
So what does Paul do? Goes and gets his camera of course. I figured I better grab it before it took off so I didn't get my tripod, but my Sigma 150-600 is pretty good handheld so as our resident squirrel posed I got some shots:
Then when I decided maybe I should get my tripod, I walked in, came out and squirrel decided that photo time was over. I didn't mind, I can shoot with a pretty high ISO (Camera talk) and still get a sharp picture.
Yesterday at Rebecca's I saw this and just had to take a shot. I titled it, "A Mean Game of Checkers"
You can relax though, it is only a BB gun. But as rustic as Rebecca's place is this just fits. And I absolutely love the puzzle table by the window, a special table with some pretty big significance.
So how can you tell the depression is lifting? Your in the kitchen in the morning cooking breakfast and lunches for the week. Photography becomes fun again and you clean up your studio for the next round of creativity. Of course depression is just something I live with. I have not been healed from it but I do know how to live with it and I know when to reach out.
So God has definitely been speaking to me. Amazing as you delve into His word and you pour out your concerns to Him. And I have been. One of the things that has always kept me from starting up my own business in photography and art is not only the fear of losing the passion I have for it but the fear of failure. Could I make it? I mean I've been told I have the talent. And I've kept those fears to myself. So when circumstances this week at work had me questioning some things, I took my concerns to God.
I mean let me be honest. For me at work being comfortable would be just getting the job I am suppose to do, let me go do it, give me the next job with preferably something that I have strengths in. I mean I am an introvert. This is far from what I am going through. My work load has increased astronomically and this introvert is being pushed into an extroverts world. And I hate it. So I went to God. Hey, do you see what is going on down here? I was under no illusion that God would just pat me on the head and say it's okay. I wanted His wisdom and His truth. And I got it. First He reminded me of my journey I have been on since I got sober. Each job or ministry position, or time in my life was a time of learning and preparing for the next phase of life. When a new phase would be coming, I would have this same fear. And yet, when the time was right and God had prepared me, His peace would walk me through into the next phase. Where Ginger and I live, jobs, ministry, walking through Ginger's illness, my depression, learning photography and art. I could go on, God did.
I mean I have gone from having a regular job, to being an independent contractor to, well, maybe a business owner. And where? Here, Georgetown, Waterloo, Somewhere else? I don't know, maybe none of it. The path is not clear ahead of me, it is foggy and there is lots of uncertainty. And when I am uncertain I have always said the wisest thing to do it wait upon God (Isaiah 40:31). The last time this happened it was about 2 years before anything happened. But here is the thing, here is the first word God gave me. Trust Me. After walking me through the last 18 years of a life of recovery He asked, "Have I ever dropped you? Have I ever left you? Are you ever alone?" And the answer is no. Even when I feel abandoned on a job, I cannot tell you how many quick prayers up to God for guidance, that it has come. When my depression has left me where all I can do is just go to work, God has always made sure to give me His strength to make another day. When Ginger is sick and there seems to be no answer, God has spoken through me or given me His wisdom to help her.
So after bearing my soul to God (who already, I might add, already knew what was in it) as if I was emptying myself He began filling me up. In the past couple of days I have had really good talks with two really good friends, one is a very smart computer guy the other owns his own business. I went Saturday to Rebecca's who is an artist herself and supported herself with her craft for many years. I am encouraged that God is in control.
So why share all of this? Sometimes we need to have a heart to heart with God. David, a man after God's own heart, did. Many people in the Bible did. Didn't Jesus ask for the cup to be lifted from Him if at all possible but then said, but Your will not My will? And that is what I said. Your will God. Where do you want me. Because in the past couple of weeks I have had conversations with people who have either dealt with depression or have loved ones who lost the battle with it. And it is then that I realize that my job is more than a job, it is a ministry to talk with people, maybe let God help them, or me. God knows I am an introvert. Yet He gives me strength when I need to be extroverted. And suddenly perspective changes and I realize that indeed, God is in control and that yes, God does know what I am going through and what is going on down here. And that is a sobering thought and yet an encouraging thought. So I am not comfortable right now, but am I growing and learning? Yes. But sometimes I try to rely on my own strength and I have to remember not to do that. God is so much stronger than me. And that was the other word He gave me, Rely on Me.
So this morning I asked God to speak through me for this week's blog. Another answered prayer.
Baa
Comments
Post a Comment