Week 8: Spider Venom and Closed Doors
So the wife is off to go spend time with her Mom to go trash can shopping (no lie). Since everyone in the Simmons household had gotten the flu, we had to stay away for a while. But everyone is on the mend now!
So this week's theme for the 52 week challenge was glass. I had fun with this one.
I had an old label but it wrapped around the bottle so you could not see the words spider venom. So being the photoshop junkie I am, I got a picture, altered it the way I wanted it, sized it up and printed it. Then took milk to put it on bottle (yes, when milk dries it acts like glue). My camera set up was pretty simple and I used a long exposure and finally got to use my good uv flashlight! This was a LOT of fun to do. I had to balance a black board behind it with my remote in one hand and the flash light to "paint" the scene in the other hand. Only a photographer/artist would understand that it is fun going to the lengths we do to get the shot. I was going to use a regular glass but this broken glass just seemed to fit the spider venom theme.
Now my original idea was shot down by my creative editor as too creepy. Yes, it's creepy, I admit. But from a technical aspect purely, it is a hard composite to make. You blend two pictures together to try to make them seamless. Because I had to use a flash to light up my face you have to take two pictures. Creepy, yes, making the photograph work, well, there is a certain joy in realizing that you can finally do it. Sooooo, I will put the creepy shot at the end of the blog. That way if your curious you can see it but it will not distract from the blog.
So I am gonna get spiritual for a bit and maybe a little ranty as well. Most realize that I post about Ginger and I's life and I am pretty open about what we go through in our weekly struggles. But first a question, just for you to answer on your own. So I know many of us have prayed for open doors, but have you ever prayed for closed doors? You know, God close the paths I am not suppose to go so that the right path is illuminated? Granted He can illuminate the open door path, I am not disputing that, but I have found that closed doors are a good way of eliminating doubt for a decision. I have had questions in directions I am suppose to be taking and God, slowly and methodically, has been guiding me. From directions in photography, occupations, Ginger's bipolar and anxiety, my depression and anxiety, ministry and helping others, and life decisions. I have prayed for God to reveal the hearts of those around me. There are people who say they are your friend but people's true hearts will be revealed in time.
In the midst of Ginger working, and finally quitting, God walked with her through some major storms. He never let go, He never abandoned her, and always walked with her through the challenges ahead. And little did I realize that many of the challenges she faced I am facing in mine as well and she is able to encourage and guide me through.
Ginger and I had a very special weekend planned. She had had one of the worst anxiety attacks she'd had in a long while on Thursday. It was pretty bad. The good thing was, we were at Community Group and to see everyone come together for her was amazing. So this weekend we decided we were going to watch our wedding video and share some good memories for the past 9 years we had.
So on Friday night at 7:30 I get a text. About work. Now let me stop here and explain what this person has told me personally. If they get a text or call that is going to ruin their weekend they are going to send that text, or call, to ruin the person's weekend who was a part of that job. This is from their mouth verbatim. No exaggeration. On that particular day of work that the text was about I was on 3 jobs. I had to figure out a dishwasher with an out of date hose (took going to several places to find a fix what was suppoe to take 30 min took till 1pm without a lunch, and that was the first job!), go check on someone who was doing work on another job to make sure things looked good (got there after 2 and had to be at the other job I was figuring around 3 and one person had already been there all day), and then go to another and get some paint on some things because the homeowner was going to come back in town (and Thursday's I cannot work late because I have community group). In fact there was one more thing I was suppose to do that day but the wrong granite was delivered. Well the person who was doing that work that I was to check on, did not do a very good job according to home owner. I had checked some things and I had told this person to do some things that actually did not get done (and that my boss told him to do and he did not). So Friday coming around and not hearing anything I figured everything was good, or I would have personally gone and fixed anything that day. In fact, I would rather just do the work myself. Too often when supervising other people who have less detail orientation than I do, things blow up in my face. This is in fact what had caused my last big depressive break. Things were much different this time.
Back to the texts. I get sent these texts about what the home owner did not like, not from the home owner, but this person. What was the point of sending them on Friday night unless you wrote and said can you fix this stuff Saturday? That would have been productive. I could deal with that. I could deal with hey lets come up with a fix. That would have been solution oriented. No, these texts were meant to hurt. They were meant to be mean. They were meant for evil. Did I get depressed? No. I am one person who can only do so much. It was also the work of someone else. Even though I checked on things (and pointed out things that were not done, and my mistake was not checking up that they were done), I still had another job I had to get to that day. Figured this one person could get it done. So I responded. I accepted responsibility of what was mine and only mine and said I wished I'd just gone over and done the fixes myself. And then I turned off my phone. I have done that before. It was either that or take a hammer to the phone and just not have a phone anymore. But with Ginger's illness, I need to be available if she needs anything, which is why I am fixing to get a better phone that I can be reached when I am in the boondocks.
But that couple of texts revealed a lot to me. Answered prayer believe it or not. And I have been learning to manage my mood much better since my breakdown. Listen, I am very proud of my work and what I do. I always strive to do my best. I don't cut corners and I love to finish jobs and see the joy on customers faces for a job well done. Do I miss things? Yes. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. Do I learn from both? Yes. I do not need to be treated like a dog whose face is smashed into crap and told bad dog. I am an adult, I am a human being. Want me to fix my mistakes, I will happily. Want me to worry about them all weekend, not happening. After all, what does God say about worry? If you want to know read Matthew 6. And how are fellow believers suppose to treat each other? Let me tell you something. There are people I know that walk on the fringes of society that treat their pets better than this.
The fact is I am task oriented. I am not a multitasker. I am TIRED of people trying to turn me into what they want me to be. God made me the way I am. Did you hear that? God made me the way I am. I have strengths and I have weaknesses. Give me a list of things to do, and more importantly, the time to do them, and I will get everything done. I am a troubleshooter, I learned that from my Dad and I am one of the best. I am vision oriented. Show me how to do something, I can do it. Show me what needs to be done, I can do it. But when I am told to just "figure it out", guess what, to the best of my ability I will "figure it out" but do not get mad at me when it is not done the way you wanted. Another thing, don't ask me for solutions and then act like I am stupid when I think outside the box. I am an artist, I am CONSTANTLY thinking outside the box. Ask Ginger, heck, look at the photo below, that is outside the box. If you just want an answer you want to hear, don't ask me anything. It is my belief that God guides me when I work. After all, it is God who gave me this job, He will sustain me here for as long as He wants me here.
And the weekend? It has been wonderful with my phone off. I have relaxed. I spent time in my photography studio having lots of fun creating. As far as anyone that needs to reach me for an emergency, those people have Ginger's number so they could call her looking for me, and she could screen my calls. Last night we watched our wedding video with many fond memories. We have had meaningful talks all weekend, about her and I's illness, our future, our love. There has been lots of laughter. And maybe I am on to something here. Taking the distractions away and enjoying my weekend with Ginger and Sophie. There are apps I can get that can allow family texts and calls to go through and nothing else. Just might have to check on that when I get my new phone or just start blocking people.
So does writing this blog bring up bad thoughts? No. It's therapy. I read this and I realize that God is leading. He is directing. He is the Author and Finisher. God will never, ever, lead us astray. Do we have storms to go through? Yes. Are there wildernesses that we have to go through, yes. But I have an amazing support group. And as God opens and closes doors I trust in Him because I would not be where I am today without Him. Am I mad at this person? No, I am sad. There is so much more this person could be if they would just cede control to God. There is a lot of pressure at work, but I know this, God is a big God and He can take care of any problem we can encounter. Any problem. And so I pray for them because as fallible as they may be, so am I. They may not be perfect, but neither am I. I am not excusing what was done, but in the end I lay this at God's feet, because when I let Him fight my battles, I always win. Maybe not the way I think I will, but in the long run God's win is good for my heart and soul. And since God is all knowing, He knows the past, present, and future, who better to put your trust in?
Baa
P.S. And here is the creepy Spider Venom photo:
And yes, I am pretty proud of it!
So this week's theme for the 52 week challenge was glass. I had fun with this one.
I had an old label but it wrapped around the bottle so you could not see the words spider venom. So being the photoshop junkie I am, I got a picture, altered it the way I wanted it, sized it up and printed it. Then took milk to put it on bottle (yes, when milk dries it acts like glue). My camera set up was pretty simple and I used a long exposure and finally got to use my good uv flashlight! This was a LOT of fun to do. I had to balance a black board behind it with my remote in one hand and the flash light to "paint" the scene in the other hand. Only a photographer/artist would understand that it is fun going to the lengths we do to get the shot. I was going to use a regular glass but this broken glass just seemed to fit the spider venom theme.
Now my original idea was shot down by my creative editor as too creepy. Yes, it's creepy, I admit. But from a technical aspect purely, it is a hard composite to make. You blend two pictures together to try to make them seamless. Because I had to use a flash to light up my face you have to take two pictures. Creepy, yes, making the photograph work, well, there is a certain joy in realizing that you can finally do it. Sooooo, I will put the creepy shot at the end of the blog. That way if your curious you can see it but it will not distract from the blog.
So I am gonna get spiritual for a bit and maybe a little ranty as well. Most realize that I post about Ginger and I's life and I am pretty open about what we go through in our weekly struggles. But first a question, just for you to answer on your own. So I know many of us have prayed for open doors, but have you ever prayed for closed doors? You know, God close the paths I am not suppose to go so that the right path is illuminated? Granted He can illuminate the open door path, I am not disputing that, but I have found that closed doors are a good way of eliminating doubt for a decision. I have had questions in directions I am suppose to be taking and God, slowly and methodically, has been guiding me. From directions in photography, occupations, Ginger's bipolar and anxiety, my depression and anxiety, ministry and helping others, and life decisions. I have prayed for God to reveal the hearts of those around me. There are people who say they are your friend but people's true hearts will be revealed in time.
In the midst of Ginger working, and finally quitting, God walked with her through some major storms. He never let go, He never abandoned her, and always walked with her through the challenges ahead. And little did I realize that many of the challenges she faced I am facing in mine as well and she is able to encourage and guide me through.
Ginger and I had a very special weekend planned. She had had one of the worst anxiety attacks she'd had in a long while on Thursday. It was pretty bad. The good thing was, we were at Community Group and to see everyone come together for her was amazing. So this weekend we decided we were going to watch our wedding video and share some good memories for the past 9 years we had.
So on Friday night at 7:30 I get a text. About work. Now let me stop here and explain what this person has told me personally. If they get a text or call that is going to ruin their weekend they are going to send that text, or call, to ruin the person's weekend who was a part of that job. This is from their mouth verbatim. No exaggeration. On that particular day of work that the text was about I was on 3 jobs. I had to figure out a dishwasher with an out of date hose (took going to several places to find a fix what was suppoe to take 30 min took till 1pm without a lunch, and that was the first job!), go check on someone who was doing work on another job to make sure things looked good (got there after 2 and had to be at the other job I was figuring around 3 and one person had already been there all day), and then go to another and get some paint on some things because the homeowner was going to come back in town (and Thursday's I cannot work late because I have community group). In fact there was one more thing I was suppose to do that day but the wrong granite was delivered. Well the person who was doing that work that I was to check on, did not do a very good job according to home owner. I had checked some things and I had told this person to do some things that actually did not get done (and that my boss told him to do and he did not). So Friday coming around and not hearing anything I figured everything was good, or I would have personally gone and fixed anything that day. In fact, I would rather just do the work myself. Too often when supervising other people who have less detail orientation than I do, things blow up in my face. This is in fact what had caused my last big depressive break. Things were much different this time.
Back to the texts. I get sent these texts about what the home owner did not like, not from the home owner, but this person. What was the point of sending them on Friday night unless you wrote and said can you fix this stuff Saturday? That would have been productive. I could deal with that. I could deal with hey lets come up with a fix. That would have been solution oriented. No, these texts were meant to hurt. They were meant to be mean. They were meant for evil. Did I get depressed? No. I am one person who can only do so much. It was also the work of someone else. Even though I checked on things (and pointed out things that were not done, and my mistake was not checking up that they were done), I still had another job I had to get to that day. Figured this one person could get it done. So I responded. I accepted responsibility of what was mine and only mine and said I wished I'd just gone over and done the fixes myself. And then I turned off my phone. I have done that before. It was either that or take a hammer to the phone and just not have a phone anymore. But with Ginger's illness, I need to be available if she needs anything, which is why I am fixing to get a better phone that I can be reached when I am in the boondocks.
But that couple of texts revealed a lot to me. Answered prayer believe it or not. And I have been learning to manage my mood much better since my breakdown. Listen, I am very proud of my work and what I do. I always strive to do my best. I don't cut corners and I love to finish jobs and see the joy on customers faces for a job well done. Do I miss things? Yes. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. Do I learn from both? Yes. I do not need to be treated like a dog whose face is smashed into crap and told bad dog. I am an adult, I am a human being. Want me to fix my mistakes, I will happily. Want me to worry about them all weekend, not happening. After all, what does God say about worry? If you want to know read Matthew 6. And how are fellow believers suppose to treat each other? Let me tell you something. There are people I know that walk on the fringes of society that treat their pets better than this.
The fact is I am task oriented. I am not a multitasker. I am TIRED of people trying to turn me into what they want me to be. God made me the way I am. Did you hear that? God made me the way I am. I have strengths and I have weaknesses. Give me a list of things to do, and more importantly, the time to do them, and I will get everything done. I am a troubleshooter, I learned that from my Dad and I am one of the best. I am vision oriented. Show me how to do something, I can do it. Show me what needs to be done, I can do it. But when I am told to just "figure it out", guess what, to the best of my ability I will "figure it out" but do not get mad at me when it is not done the way you wanted. Another thing, don't ask me for solutions and then act like I am stupid when I think outside the box. I am an artist, I am CONSTANTLY thinking outside the box. Ask Ginger, heck, look at the photo below, that is outside the box. If you just want an answer you want to hear, don't ask me anything. It is my belief that God guides me when I work. After all, it is God who gave me this job, He will sustain me here for as long as He wants me here.
And the weekend? It has been wonderful with my phone off. I have relaxed. I spent time in my photography studio having lots of fun creating. As far as anyone that needs to reach me for an emergency, those people have Ginger's number so they could call her looking for me, and she could screen my calls. Last night we watched our wedding video with many fond memories. We have had meaningful talks all weekend, about her and I's illness, our future, our love. There has been lots of laughter. And maybe I am on to something here. Taking the distractions away and enjoying my weekend with Ginger and Sophie. There are apps I can get that can allow family texts and calls to go through and nothing else. Just might have to check on that when I get my new phone or just start blocking people.
So does writing this blog bring up bad thoughts? No. It's therapy. I read this and I realize that God is leading. He is directing. He is the Author and Finisher. God will never, ever, lead us astray. Do we have storms to go through? Yes. Are there wildernesses that we have to go through, yes. But I have an amazing support group. And as God opens and closes doors I trust in Him because I would not be where I am today without Him. Am I mad at this person? No, I am sad. There is so much more this person could be if they would just cede control to God. There is a lot of pressure at work, but I know this, God is a big God and He can take care of any problem we can encounter. Any problem. And so I pray for them because as fallible as they may be, so am I. They may not be perfect, but neither am I. I am not excusing what was done, but in the end I lay this at God's feet, because when I let Him fight my battles, I always win. Maybe not the way I think I will, but in the long run God's win is good for my heart and soul. And since God is all knowing, He knows the past, present, and future, who better to put your trust in?
Baa
P.S. And here is the creepy Spider Venom photo:
And yes, I am pretty proud of it!
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