How We Navigate Bipolar and Anxiety

 

Christmas 2022

 

 

So one of the questions I get often is how do I help Ginger with her Bipolar/Anxiety disorder.  You see Ginger and I are transparent about the conditions we have.  Ginger was diagnosed with Bipolar and has been medicated and stable for many years.  Now stable does not mean perfect.  Her hypo mania can flare up, her anxiety can spike, and her hyper spirituality can cause her havoc at times.  With medication these conditions are manageable but it also takes a strong support group to help navigate the waters of this disorder/disease.  

Let me preface this with this disclaimer.  Bipolar is a disorder that is classified under mental illness (or disease which ever you prefer).  It is not a spiritual condition.  There are very few people I hold in high regard to their spirituality.  Notice I said spirituality, not religion.  I don't care what religion you are, bipolar can effect you regardless of how you believe in God or even if you do.  But Ginger's faith is astounding.  There are things she has the faith to move mountains with.  And then there are areas of struggle.  Welcome to the Christian walk.  

But I digress.  Recently Ginger had a really bad bipolar/anxiety day.  So some outside factors can cause it to flare.  When time change comes around, when there is a full moon (yes that is a real thing), once a month when, as she states it, Aunt Flo comes, or when there is a change in routine or structure.  All of these things can cause her mood disorder to flare, but the biggest I have seen is the change in routine/structure.  For her structure is important.  It sets boundaries for her.  Limits.  It's like a gated community.  Within that community is structure and safety, outside of that is the unknown and that can be scary.  When she worked, she had a main job.  As long as she did that, everything was pretty stable.  But her old boss would give her special projects, and I feel maliciously she did it.  This could, at times, send her into a spiral.  As well when her routine is changed because of outside influences.

So one of the ways that I try to help Ginger is to make sure that her structure stays in place.  Now vacations are different, they are a distraction and many a time the bipolar for the most part takes a break.  Now anxiety is still a factor but this is usually caused by over stimulation and she just needs to be removed from the trigger and rest.  It is at this time I usually do this routine with her:

1) Take Meds

2) Eat (if she hasn't)

3) Take a nap

The meds are to help calm her down.  Food, usually protein, binds to the medicine and makes it work better.  The nap resets her brain.  You see the meds calm her down where she can sleep and when she wakes up, presto, she is ready to conquer the world.

I came up with that by paying attention to her bipolar/anxiety.  I have studied it for 15 years, I am an expert with hers.  This works with her bipolar as well and when she was working, when I got home and she was not feeling right I would ask, take your meds?  Have you eaten?   You get the picture.

With Ginger's hyper spirituality, sometimes I have to help her navigate between what is real and what is bipolar.  Actually, for her, there is a big relief when she realizes God is not trying to punish her but that she is having a bipolar moment.

To say that I am very protective over Ginger is an understatement.  She noticed that when we were out in public and she started feeling bad this introverted husband of hers would go from non talking to an extrovert.  In effect, protecting her by deflecting attention to me.  When she gets in these anxious states she feels everyone knows, everyone is looking at her.  So for me, it is important that she feels safe, protected, and shielded from situations that will only escalate the situation.  Even fun social events can turn into nightmares.  That is the nature of the illness, not her.  So we have different codes.  If you have ever seen us together and I all of the sudden get up and say, we gotta go, now you know.  And trying to talk to us more while I am trying to get us out is going to feel like I am snubbing you.  I am not.  Anxiety can escalate, fast, and time is of the essence.  The quicker I can get her calm, the shorter the anxiety lasts.  Your questions, stories, comments can wait.  And typically, the biggest help is getting away from the place of triggering till she can calm down.  We have been in stores, out shopping, etc, and have had to leave.  The worst is if you have to walk 15 minutes to your car!  Yes, it happened in Hot Springs, but leaving, meds, and a nap and in a couple of hours we were back shopping!

And then there are times like this morning.  Ginger usually likes to get up early, walk Sophie, herself, have breakfast, do her Bible study, her routine.  But it is raining.  So I took Sophie walking, in the rain.  (I had an umbrella but I don't mind the rain) and let Ginger sleep.  She has had a rough couple of days.  This is the first Thanksgiving without her Dad.  And there have been a few routine changes in these holiday's which has caused a flare up of her bipolar and anxiety.  When that happens, Ginger needs sleep.  And what better day than on a rainy Saturday!  We have date night tonight and it is going to be very important to keep that routine.  As well, today I am doing my best to stay around her for support.  And, of course, talking with her bestie is a big help too (Yes, I am one of her bestie's too but sometimes a woman needs to talk to another woman, trust me I get it!).

If I had some advice for someone dealing with someone with a mental illness it would be this:

 1)  Be there for them.  Sometimes just being there, holding them if they are crying, holding a hand makes all the difference in the world.

 2)  Listen and don't try to fix.  Look, the thoughts that can go through a brain that has a disorder (I know I suffer from depression) can be quite....well...out there.  You need to be a safe person where any type of crazy thought is not going to send you into a tizzy.  Stay calm.  I can tell Ginger some of the craziest thoughts in my depression and she doesn't freak out.  She listens and that is all that I need.  That said, if I were to say I am going to harm myself or she were too, that is a different story.  But sometimes its just things that need to be gotten out and not bouncing in your head.  Ginger hates having to tell me something over and over with her OCD, but that is what helps.  Did I say be patient?  Be patient.

3)  I help Ginger with her medicine.  I put it in her container.  But she orders it.  It gives her some of the responsibility but then I help give it to her in the morning so when I get a call that says, did I take my medicine, I can say yes.  And I have gotten creative by putting notes up just to make it fun.

4)  I try to keep Ginger's routine and structure intact.  Sometimes it is unavoidable.  But that is why date night is so important.  She looks forward, each week, to it.  Sometimes we start as early at 3pm!

5)  I don't do everything for her.  She has certain responsibilities but if I need to help I can.  We have a joke, "Me do it".  But I am always there to be her hero if I need to be.  It does not matter if she does the things she does perfectly, the fact that she does them is a big win.

 6)  Communicate.  Ginger and I know everything about each other.  There is no subject we can't talk about.  As an introvert, sometimes it takes me time to process.  Disclaimer:  Sometimes I say the wrong thing or I say something and realize I need to amend what I say because I tend to think about things....a lot.  I have asked for forgiveness a few times, just shows my humanity.

7)  Take time for yourself.  Look taking care of someone with a mental disorder is a calling.  It takes patience yes, and sometimes in the role of husband and wife, you are going to be a caretaker.  For me, that is an honor that God has entrusted me with such a beautiful soul as Ginger to help take care of her.  No, it is not all the time, but in those moments when the illness is too much, taking the lions share of the load is paramount not only to Ginger's health but to her state of mind.  Sometimes all she can do is take care that the bipolar does not consume her.  That said, take time to recharge.  Our 2nd bedroom is my studio.  I photograph, edit, blog in here.  I can be in here with the door open and Ginger can be in the other room watching the Great American Family Christmas.  If she needs me I am right there.  I will also go antique shopping for props, go to the bookstore, just to get some alone time.  It is okay to take care of yourself.  The beautiful thing is Ginger understands that and encourages it.  But at a moments notice, if I get a call that says I need you, or she pops in to talk to me in the studio, I am ready.  I also do a lot of reading while she watches her movies right by her.  

8)  This is one of the most important things and I want you to really pay attention to this.  When Ginger shares things the OCD is saying to her, it is the OCD, not her.  Or the anxiety, or bipolar.  You MUST be able to separate the two.  I know when Ginger is talking and when the illness is, but I have had 15 years to learn that.  It is why Ginger can share things with me because I am not taking things personal.  

9)  Be their hero.   If they need to leave a place to calm down, if you have to cancel an obligation, or not go to a function, be supportive.  The longer they are in a stressor, the longer it takes to recover.  Those that love you will understand, those that don't, well, they will have to get over it.  Saying things like pull yourself up by your bootstraps, etc do not work.  At all.  And let me say this, want to see me go to Def Con 5?  Tell Ginger she has a demon inside her.  She has an illness, not a demon.  But if you want to see Def Con 5, tell her that in front of me.  I am a Christian but I have no problem defending my wife, from anyone.  I am very defensive of her.  And she of me.  Want her to go Def Con 5, same thing.  We have been to hell and back.  

10)  For us, our faith is very, very important.  God has helped us navigate this with each other.  Ginger is one of the biggest blessings God has put in my life.  She is my soulmate, my one and only, the keeper of my heart.  I would do anything for her.  And I thank God for her.  We are more in love than ever and she has a way of grounding this eccentric artist.  She encourages my creativity and I hers.  We were made for each other, to that I have no doubt.

11)  Last, but not least.  It's okay, you do not have all the answers.  Really.  In 15 years with Ginger and I have not had all the answers.  I have done things right, I have done things wrong.  I've learned.  There have been times I have gone in another room and prayed, God I have no idea what to do, but You do, help me.  Every time He has.  Sometimes, and I said this in #1, just be there.  No one wants to do this alone and this can be a very lonely illness.  Sometimes that presence there is amazingly helpful.  Ginger told me recently, I am so thankful you are just hear by my side.  That means the world to me.

 

 

So I have to say none of this is meant as medical advice.  This is Ginger and I's experience.  Your walk on this road may be different than ours.  But this is what we have found that works for us.  Ironically, because I have been diagnosed with clinical depression I have an inside view of what Ginger's depressive episodes are like.  I will give how Ginger helps me with my depression in a future post, but this is what God has put on my heart to write.  And as Thanksgiving has come, and gone, it is still a time to be thankful for who we have in our lives that are special.  If you think about it, just tell them thank you, it really does mean the world.

 On other notes:

When you let an artist carve the turkey (separated dark and white meat):

I got my Black Rapid Camera Sling!!!!!  I am soooo stoked!  I can now go to tourist destinations with my camera at my side or behind my back and be ready to take pictures without carrying a sling pack!  Happy days!

I thought about putting the caterpillar picture here but my Mom would not enjoy that so happy thanksgiving Mom!  Christmas tree instead!

Georgetown Colorado

 

 

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