I'm Back!!!!!

 Fitting that Fall is here, it is October and Halloween is around the corner.  I can hear the creaking of the coffin lid as I lift it to resurrect my blog and see it laying in there just waiting to be....revived.  Bones creak, voices are hoarse, but I have in my mind's eye saying "It's Alive" (Young Frankenstein reference) as I look down upon one of my closest companions during the year before I went on a Sabbatical.

I realize that I left abruptly.  Summers are hard for me.  My blog was never far from my mind, in fact I would visit it often, just to make sure it was there, knowing one day I would revive it again.  But I had a couple of things going on.

I needed to get away from social media.  In fact, I cannot remember the last time I was on Facebook.  Ginger took over our account for the most part, filled with Shih tzu pictures.  I left Instagram in the dust, though slowly looking at it again.  I am not a big fan of Meta.  I stayed away from Twitter.  And I would take once a month to purge my email.  I even stopped my 52 week challenge.

So the burning question I am sure from some of you is why.  I hope to answer some of those questions in this blog.  The biggest reason, however, is that I wanted to fall back in love with my photography.  Social media can be influential for photographers, but it can also be a curse.  When you start writing blogs or post pictures you can begin creating for what others want and not necessarily what you enjoy.  I needed to get back to basics, to get back to the point of excitement when I got behind the camera and took pictures. Also I just became too worried about what I was writing.  I just wanted to write what was on my mind.  I felt censored.  I felt confined.  I felt like I was in a box.  I felt as if people wanted to change my work.  Oh I could express myself, but only in a way that others felt acceptable.  But I knew I could get behind my camera and be free again.  Because with my camera and I the only censor is....me.

So for lack of a better phrase, I just cut everything out.  I had to get out and get with just my camera and I.  What did I want to take pictures of?  What did I find enjoyment in?  I understand that in a business you have to cater to your customers, but I am a hobbyist.  I don't chase awards, ribbons, recognition.  You know what the biggest thrill is for me?  It is losing track of time as I am shooting, tuning out the world and working on my craft.  And when you get "the shot", you just know.  It is a thrill that is hard to explain.

So have I taken pictures during this sabbatical?  Oh yes.  Several.  I have filled up my memory cards.  I have enjoyed everything from nature, macro, landscaping, to portraits.  I have my camera with me constantly and when inspiration strikes, I take it out.  I have hardly done any editing as of yet, like I said, I wanted to get back to basics, to find the love again.  And I did in a huge way.  I have even started editing.  And I am ready to get my feet back into the water.

Of course it helps that during this time that I have the East Texas State Fair.  So that kept me busy.  And once again I found out that I have not lost the mojo.  2 1st, 1 2nd, 2 3rd,  2 Honorable Mention.  Nope, not chasing ribbons or cash prizes, it is the thrill of seeing your work next to other photographers and being recognized.

 The most important part of my art and my photography is the help that it gives me with my depression and anxiety.  Because of the intolerance I have for anti depressants it has been imperative for me to find avenues, healthy avenues, as an outlet for my feelings.

 Ginger and I have started going to a new church.  A huge thanks to one of Ginger's besties for inviting us when they did a video with her and her husband about depression.  There motto, No Perfect People Allowed, resonated with us.   It took us a little time to walk back through the doors but then it seems God has just taken over.  We began participating in a Life Group and I am not exaggerating when I say it has been life changing.  It is as if God made this group and catered it to us.  I'll be honest, I had no intention, not in the beginning, of sharing much of my life until I had felt the group out.  I am a true introvert.  I have such a hard time trusting people, I deal with abandonment issues.  My social skills can be lacking at times.  In fact I test pretty high on the spectrum.   My Dad has a saying though, never limit God.  And it did not take long for God to take over my tongue and begin speaking through me.  It is the only way I can explain it.  And you know when you feel you have no impact and then the feedback comes that indeed, you have had more impact than you could possibly know? 

I have shared about my addiction and recovery.  I have shared about my depression and anxiety.  I have shared how difficult my job can be.  One of the things I love is the Whatsapp group and how prayer oriented they are.  And you know what else?  This group is real.  No masks.  No perfect people.  Some doing great and some not so great.  But this group, and I believe this with all my heart, has my back.  The picture that comes into my mind is this:  I am in a burning house.  I cannot move (depression/anxiety/fill in the blank).  While everyone is running away, not my problem, figure it out yourself, etc, these people are running toward me, toward the flames, to help me. There are no, pull yourself up by your boot straps, or it is a phase, etc, these people want to help.  And as we have gone into the deep end and there is a trust developing and a closeness.  Ginger and I cannot be more grateful.

I have also spent the past couple of weeks working on a close friend of ours house.  This is I think the 4th time I have been over there (she reads the blog she can correct me if that is wrong!)  It was such a Godsend to be there and be able to be around a friendly face.  In fact she is one of my biggest blog supporters!  Not only that but she truly understands my depression.  She has always been, call me if your depression is getting the best of you.  Anytime, any day.  She adores Ginger.  I will just say this, she has personal understanding, it is a subject she is very, very familiar with.  On another note, she had two garden spiders at her place while I worked.  I took LOTS of shots.  I love taking pictures of spiders, bugs, and insects.  Those will come in another post.  I am learning a new technique called focus stacking so we will see how they turn out!

So with that I realize that maybe, just maybe, this blog is more important than I realize.  I don't know who I am impacting.  But God does.  I needed the sabbatical to get my head focused but it is time to get this thing rolling again.  One year I only had 4 posts.  Well, turn the key, hear the engine roar because this baby is about to start riding again.

So pictures.  Okay here were the first place winners:

This was one of my favorites to do.  Sophie was in the right place at the right time!

This one was in Jefferson.  The pumpkin truck!  Also the first time I successfully took out people and cars around the truck!

And then there are others I have done not in the contest.  This Blue Dasher was a LOT of fun to take pictures of.  This is the reason I carry my camera practically everywhere!  Have I mentioned how much I love my new camera! (Okay newest, I have had a little bit)  I have more of this little fella, later post for those though.

I loooove taking pictures of the moon!  This is one of my best!

But one of my favorites during this time:

There are some better one's but this was day one of meeting Baby Dinos and he loved my camera and I!  There will be more of him.

As I look through my memory cards, I have taken ALOT of photos!  So I hope you are ready to see some in the coming weeks!  To be honest it feels great to be back behind the keyboard, looking up at my second screen, writing a blog.  Nadine, here you go I told you I'd be back!

Baa