Week 47: I Can Hear the Birds Again

 I know, strange title, but a lot has happened in this week to me on the inside.  And it started with last weeks blog and that bit I shared about what someone said about me.  It was convicting, in a way.  What was I doing now to share what God had done in my life.  Don't get me wrong, I freely share my testimony.  But I realized I was in a dry place.  So began some soul searching.  

So think of your heart as a place full of chambers.  Yes, they have 4 chambers, but think of it as a palace or castle or cabin with all these places with doors.  Are there any you lock and don't want to look in because you just know what is in there.  I began looking at my doors.  So there is this door, maybe you know it. Bitterness and Resentment.  Big red letters.  Double locked.  So I took my keys out, guided by the Spirit, and creaked open the door.  Sometimes you hope to find an empty room, but unfortunately mine was not.  There they were.  My resentments and bitterness.  And they greeted me with sharpened tooth smiles.  Welcome back.  

Little did they know this was not a visit to feed them.  It was an eviction.  Were they happy?  No, not at all.  But the Spirit was with me.  And, um, the Spirit is quite powerful and quite convincing.  They left with a quickness.

So Monday I knew what I needed to do.  I called Ginger just to let her know what I was feeling and she confirmed everything I was feeling.  So Monday night I walked back into Celebrate Recovery.  Having become honest with my feelings it was, in a word, freeing (thank you Matt for helping me find the word!).    Ginger remembered something my Dad said when I took a break, just don't let it be permanent.  And in a way it had.  But I have a Light within me.  I have a story to share of what God did for me.  And this was a place that I was able to show that Light.  Not that there will not be boundaries.  We are only going to large group for now.  We both feel that is as far as God wants us to go with it right now.  Of course I just found out it is going to be postponed this week and will be visited on a weekly basis, but we will be there when it is open.  And those that I resented or had bitterness for, well, I have given that to God.  And the freedom I feel is amazing.  It has not changed my goals or plans, other than the motivation for them is not out of resentment and bitterness but of where God is leading me too. 

And as I began to align myself, once again the creativity sparks.  My craft, my creativity can at times be dark but at other times it can be Godly inspired.  So one of Ginger and I's favorite songs is a song called Glorious Day by Passion.  Kristian Stanfill has written a couple of songs I have absolutely loved and this is one he co wrote.  So there are these lyrics:

I was buried beneath my shame
Who could carry that kind of weight?
It was my tomb
'Til I met You

I was breathing, but not alive
All my failures I tried to hide
It was my tomb
'Til I met You

You called my name
Then I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day

We heard it at CR and I could not get this image out of my head.  Now I love taking pictures in old cemeteries.  It is, I have found, in my blood.  So Saturday I planned after work to go to the old cemetery by our house and do some photo op work.  And the image, in my head, came to life.....

I put a lens flare on the left to mimic God looking down and calling me out of the grave.  Now I realize I have my phone on and watch, and yes, my hair has gotten long lol.  But that is on purpose.  Because sometimes we can be in a grave and still be alive.  Dead.  Or not living.  Full of anger, resentment, sadness, etc.  This is one of my favorite spots in the cemetery because of the angels.  One looking down at me, one looking up at God.  The only thing photoshopped is the lens flare and straightening the image.  The full image is below:

So my music choice has been decidedly different this week.  I have been listening to a lot of uplifting music.  Don't get me wrong, I am still listening to Tonight by Seether and Unity by Shinedown, but I have been listening to a lot of Crowder as well.  And he has a song called Red Letters. 

There I was on death row
Guilty in the first degree
Son of God hanging on a hill
Hell was my destiny

The crowd was shouting crucify
Could've come from these lips of mine
The dirty shame was killing me
It would take a miracle to wash me clean

Then I read the red letters
And the ground began to shake
The prison walls started falling
And I became a free man that day

 

And so that inspired this:

 

 And if you read those lyrics, and I mean really read them, you will realize what can set you free.  

By the way, the Christian life is a process.  There are seasons of incredible fruit.  And there are times of dryness.  I am human, I am not perfect, and neither are you.  But we have One who came to this earth and died on a cross to forgive our sins and set us free.  Sometimes I crawl back in my grave but thankfully, I don't have to stay there.  Because God calls my name, and I run out of that grave.

Baa

P.S.  The title.  Saturday in Lindale I heard the birds singing in the morning.  It use to remind me of how God takes care of the birds so He will take care of me.  And for the first time in a long time, I heard the birds.  God once again reminding me, He cares for me and is watching out for me.  What a good God we have.