Week 20 and 21: A Memorial to Redemption

Thank you for those of you who checked on me last week because I did not blog.  Indeed I was fine I just needed a day off from the blog and spent my time relaxing, reflecting, and playing with Photoshop.  Sunday's have become a day of rest for me and I try not to let the pressures of posting take over the peace and quiet I need on this day.  Indeed that week, I had found out that my Dad had been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, though thankfully it has been caught in the early stages.  My Dad has always been my hero and my spiritual advisor and he is even more so now because him and my Mom are taking measures to combat the disease.  It is very hard to be 900 miles away from them if only for support.  But with technology I can call, text, zoom, skype, etc.  So though I cannot physically be there, I can be there emotionally.

So last weekend I played with Photoshop and having seen something called the glitch effect had to play around:

Just a little quarantine fun.  And then the magnolia's are still blooming and if you look real close a bug is looking up from the top:

So out on the ranch in Lindale yesterday and as you can see my camera is never far from me:

Good thing because I found this crawling around the back of the 4 wheeler:

And then I found this little beauty.  It looked like the storm from the morning had battered it pretty good:

Memorial Day is a time to reflect on those who have died defending our country.  There are many heroes, one of whom is Ginger's grandfather, who fought in WWII.  I never had the honor of meeting him, but I did have the honor of creating a montage that is one of my proudest moments as an artist.

Memorial Day has another meaning for me as well.  May 26th, 2002. (I know it is the day after)  A day I remember well and a day I will never forget.  It holds special significance with my parents and I, it is the day my life changed forever.

For those that don't know me well, or my history, I am a recovering alcoholic/addict.  I was a stage 4 alcoholic or end stage alcoholic.  Worst of the worst.  When I woke in the morning my tremors were so bad that I had to hold my first drink of the day when I got up with two hands.  There are those that know me know that say, you, really?  Yes really. 

Two weeks before May 26th I was going through withdraw.  I had alcohol, I just couldn't keep it down.  I had this happen before on occasion, you have to sip the alcohol, it comes up, sip some more, until it takes.  It is miserable.  And I said a prayer.  God save me from this.  Help me.  I don't care what you have to do I cannot keep living like this.  After the prayer, like I said the alcohol took and I began to feel better.  Two weeks and everything was back to my regular normal of drinking every day.  But something was happening that I knew nothing about.  That prayer, that moment of surrender set off a chain of events that would change my life forever.

My Mom and Dad, who I credit their prayers to God for having Him save me, had been praying.  But God gives us free will.  We are free to follow him and free to disobey.  I believe that alcoholism is a disease and I just felt I had no way to recover.  I had been to rehab and even long term rehab (please don't get me started on behavior modification the place I went was hell).  So remember that prayer I prayed?  Oh God was listening.  I asked God for help, my parents prayers kept me alive, and then May 26th. 

So let me be honest.  I did not set out that day to be sober.  In fact, I had my morning drink and then went to get more.  But God had put some things in motion.  A crossroad was coming up.  I was fixing to have a choice to make.  One that would determine the path my life would take.  I got arrested.  So some of you reading this don't know I have been to prison.  So this is going to be a bit of a shocker.  Rest assured, happy ending.  I had done some things I should not have and the law caught up with me.  And at first I denied, denied, denied.  My alcoholic mind was trying to preserve itself.  If I lie, I can get out of this and be drinking in no time.  So the detective, whether ploy or divine intervention tells me Jesus is standing in the corner listening to me.  And then I was taken back to two weeks before and my prayer.

So I pictured Jesus.  And two words were uttered.  Trust Me. 

Remember that crossroad I talked about?  There I was.  I had a choice.  Here it is.  Do you want out?  Do you want recovery?  Do you want a life with Me?  You can't do it on your terms, it is either walk this one path and do it My way or walk the other and do your way.  You've had plenty of chances before, several chances at rehab.  So here you go, the road will not be easy but

Trust Me.

So I did something you should never do they say.  In fact my lawyer told me it is never good.  I asked the detective for a pen and paper and I confessed.  Everything.  No stone unturned.  I think I stunned him.  My confession was so complete that no questions needed to be asked.  And it was one of the best decisions in my life.  I was all in.  I had no idea how much time I was going to do but through the alcoholic haze I felt God whispering that He was here for me in the storm.

Trust Me.

So I did and God has been faithful, wonderful, and miracle working.  I remember a counselor saying I would never recover.   God said, no, nothing is impossible with Me.  So let's fast forward to today.

I have a wonderful, beautiful God loving wife who I could not have dreamed up.  Her family treats me as a son.  Granted there were some long talks and I was vetted by the family.  Understandable.  But actions, not words, showed that what God had done was real.  I live in a beautiful  place that was made in 1929 and the landlords are quite literally like family.  They adore Ginger and I and have given us such encouragement.  I still will not forget the call from them that said we prayed and God said to give you a chance.  And I reconciled to my family, in a huge way.  My brother and I are reconciled and my Mom and Dad, well, what can I say, they have seen the mighty work God has done in me.

Those who know me now and hear my past can't believe it.  And that is the biggest compliment I could get.  Let me make one thing clear, this was all God.  This was praying parents and family and this was God working a miracle.  God put things before me and I followed.  God has been faithful.  There have been storms, there have been challenges, but God has never wavered in being with me at every step.

It does not matter what you are going through.  It doesn't.  God redeems.  God heals.  Sometimes it takes time or in some cases He walks you through till you go home.  But we have a choice.  We always have a choice in how we respond.  The past 18 years have not always been a bed of roses.  There have been some really tough times.  I still suffer from depression, God has not taken that burden away.  But He definitely helps me with it.   When you've been to hell and back you have a new lease on life.  I lost everything that day.  Everything.  And yet, and it may sound crazy, I gained everything.  I had to give up an old life but man, this new one, no words can describe.

I have been able to go to churches, ministries and even prisons to share my story of God's redemption.  There is no one, and I mean no one that is beyond God's touch and healing touch.  Sometimes we are taken home to heaven.  Other times He works a miracle here to show others that indeed, He is still King and still the Ultimate Healer.

Baa