Week 23: Anxiety Attacks

So this week's theme was metal in my 52 week challenge group.   There are times I like to think outside of the box and since lighting steel wool at night and spinning it around the parking lot might be frowned upon I figured I needed to be a little more low key.  So I have a battery powered grinder.  I had to test a few types of metal before I found something that sparked the way I was looking for.  Then it was getting the sparking to turn the way I wanted too.

So first a disclaimer.  I know how to use a grinder.  I also know how to direct the sparks toward my camera without damaging it.  It is not hard to do but certain precautions should be taken.  Where long sleeve as bits of metal may shoot off and hit you.  I am use to it but others may find it uncomfortable.  Wear safety goggles.  In case you missed that, wear safety goggles.  Don't get too close to the camera, this is where zoom comes in handy.  Be patient.  And sparklers can be used in place of a grinder which is safer.  Have water handy, just in case.....

So this takes no special camera equipment.  You don't need a tripod as long as you have a stable place to set your camera.  If you do not have a remote release, use your camera's two or ten second timer.  Use a zoom.  Even a kit lens will work since my shots were taken at f8.0.  The most important piece of equipment?  The battery powered grinder.  That said it was all about taking a shot, checking the back, shooting again, until you got the sparks the way you wanted it to go.  This shot was at 1/5 of a second.  It was also one of the last shots I took (the one below WAS the last). 

So I love this shot.  I have been wanting to photograph sparks for a while.  Leave it to waiting till summer to take this shot.  That said, it was a LOT of fun.  If you follow me on Instagram or Flickr you have already seen this shot (That is where I put my photos first now).

This shot I decided to change the color to blue.  Just because I wanted to be creative.  And this one was a lot of fun too to play around in Photoshop.  This is new for the blog.

So I have more ideas for sparks so that will probably be an ongoing project.  I am in that cycle right now that ideas are just coming right and left.  My brain is firing on all cylinders and this typically happens at the beginning of the summer.


So those of you coming from Facebook know that I took Ginger to her doctor in Dallas on Tuesday.  I gave an update that she was doing better but promised that I would give a more detailed update on my blog.  (Funny how my pictures are sparks this week and how Ginger's brain "sparks" into anxiety)

So Ginger has been dealing with some pretty severe anxiety attacks lately.  Now this isn't unexpected, Ginger is weaning herself off Xanax that she has been prescribed for several years to deal with anxiety attacks.  But because she does not work now and stressors have gone down, she felt it was time to start this process in February.  Her doctor knows and has been monitoring her progress and it was going well until the past month or so.  She began fearing that in public or social settings she would get an anxiety attack.  She was never getting to a normal baseline, she was always in this perpetual state of wondering when the next attack would happen.  Because it was getting worse it was time to go see the doctor.

So first, the doctor was not shocked, or surprised.  (Though he did play a little joke on Ginger stating he didn't know anyone of his patients that had a hard time coming off Xanax!).  So he prescribed something called Neurontin.  What this medicine does is drop Ginger to that normal baseline.  This picture shows what I am talking about.

The medicine is not suppose to take the anxiety attacks away.  Coming down off the meds and taking extra when needed is helping with that.  This medicine, however, has brought her back to normal and the fear of having an anxiety attack has diminished greatly.  And she has been able to fight some anxiety attacks this week with no extra meds.  This is a process, but with our doctor on our side and monitoring the situation, and having her hubby here to help her as she transitions off the medication has helped out greatly.

I understand that some people think that it is a faith thing, or just pray more, as if this is a spiritual thing.  (Get's up on soap box).  Okay, this is a physical thing that is happening in Ginger's brain.  She has been on this medication for years and it is not easy, her body has become use to it (dependent).  It served it's purpose and we are thankful for the meds.  Now prayer helps, trust me.  It let's Ginger know that people are thinking of her and lifting her up to God.  And Ginger's faith?  It is greater than 99% of the people I know.  She can pray and believe, and just knows God will answer without a doubt.  I don't know many people with that kind of faith.  And listen, I realize some of you think you know what Ginger is going through.  Some of you do and are good friends with her.  But in the middle of an anxiety attack she needs to get to a safe place most times.  Depends on the anxiety attack.  And having lived with Ginger and her anxiety for over 9 years I know the different types.  Telling her to stay, pray, grin and bear it does not help.  Quiet, removal of the stressor, calling her hubby sometimes, those are the things that help.  Taking meds and letting them kick in.  Getting to a safe place (home, her parents house).  Sometimes crying to get it out.  There are many facets to this disorder.  The best way to help her?  If she needs to leave, let her leave while ensuring her it is okay.  Right now Ginger and I have done everything we can to remove any obligations she may have or at least limit them while she comes off the meds.  Her doctor said put yourself in a cocoon and say no.  So during this time I am going to be very protective of Ginger, more so than I already am.  She can take care of herself, and does a wonderful job at it, but if I have to step in to protect her I will have no problem doing it.  (Getting off soap box).

On my end, my depression has not been bad, but my frustration level at work has been high.  Not the work, I love the work.  It's some of the people I have to work with that really just leave me shaking my head.   The way they treat the others around them and how facades have come down and now their are lewd comments being said and different kind of music than was originally portrayed they listened too.  Don't get me wrong, listen to what you want.  I have never shied away from the fact that I love rock music and everyone knows that.  Just don't tell me all you listen to is sermons and then you listen to Gangsta rap.  And don't tell me you don't smoke when you do.    As well people saying they know how to do things to some people and then finding out they have no clue and are just winging it.  So someone said on Friday I was isolating myself.  Yes, I did for a little bit.  I needed a little peace.   But lunch with one of my good friends and coworkers helped out quite a bit.  God always delivers and I know God is using this to grow me.  Of that I have not doubt.  I guess sometimes I just get disappointed.  I have no choice in who gets to work with me.  That said, I was able to do something this week at work I absolutely love!  I got to organize some things, put on paper to help us with a big project we are working on.  A little secret, I use to be in a couple of groups at different jobs that looked at ways to optimize our performance and quality, and I was able to use some of that knowledge.  I am a very detailed person!  Still need prayer.  My boss has been going through a rough time lately and I was able to have a good talk with him on Friday about non work related stuff.  In the end, even though he is my boss, he is first my friend. 

Okay that is about it for me today!  I know not a lot of pictures but the one's I did I put a lot of creativity in and I am proud of the results.  I pray everyone has a wonderful week!

Baa