Week 10: Birthday Week!

Lemon Cupcakes

I have such a wonderful wife!  I decided this year for my birthday I wanted lemon cupcakes.  I love lemon (and lime) just about anything.  She has such fun making cupcakes for me and quite honestly I cannot get enough!

So I have made it past the 50 year mark and am one year older.  Time doesn't stop now does it!  Lots of things, beyond the photography front, have happened this week so this blog is more about our lives this week than pictures I took.

It amazes me how God uses me.  Believe me, it is in no way my strength, or charisma, or anything else I do, other than a willingness to do what God wants me to do.  While some people have the responsibility to speak and minister to large groups of people, and I have had the privilege to work with some of these people and even serve in that capacity myself, I have found that God uses me more in the one on one capacity.  It suits my personality well and the feeling you get when God is speaking through you and you are ministered too along with the person you are talking to is amazing.  Getting out of the way and letting God work is a beautiful thing.

So I had two encounters this week.  One with a good friend who has helped Ginger and I immensely was a reflection of just how far God had brought us.  Speaking to them with the painter who is painting our building it astounds me how God uses people to help us.  My artistry has grown and it has been noticed, but I have grown as well.

The second encounter was just as touching.  I will not mention names, nor any identifying signposts to keep this issue anonymous.  I was talking to a mother whose son is still in the wilderness.  The person in question has many things in common to where I was at one time.  Typically I am asked what it is that turned things around for me.  The mother said all she could do at this point was pray for her son.  And I told her those prayers, those important prayers God is not only listening but preparing a way.  Yes, we as son's have free will, but never, ever, underestimate the power of a mother (and in my case father's as well) prayer.  I told her that is what saved me, God answering my mothers and fathers prayers.  I could see her eyes welling up with tears.  I did not have to get wholly into my story, just enough that she knew that indeed not only was he walking the path I did but that a path of escape could be made.  This particular person has not only addiction issues but possibly mental issues as well, something else I am keenly aware of.  But I saw something else in her eyes.  Hope.  Listen, I was told I would never recover.  I convinced myself that I was hurting no one.  Everyone that had once been good for me had distanced themselves from me to keep from getting dragged down into the hell I had created.  And I surrounded myself with people who were, in fact, just like me.  I thought I wasn't as bad as them until one day I was worse.   In front of her was a person who had quite literally made his bed in hell but had given up that bed for vacancy for a better life.  There were challenges ahead, obstacles to overcome, and hard choices to make.  Red Light Kings (secular band) has a song that I pull up every now and then.  Music is an outlet at time for my feelings.  Some of the lyrics go:

I've got a fast life and
A slow cuttin' knife
I've been drinkin' at a poisoned well
No home and a bag of bones
And nothin' else left to sell
I know why I'm in this hell
I just don't wanna believe
Past that line you just can't tell
But right now
There's someone lookin' out for me
I came out of the darkness
With a bullet in my hand
I got one more shot at livin'
I'm lucky that I can

                      Red Light Kings "Bullet in my Hand"

Now I don't have a bullet in my hand, but I do have permanent reminders of where I have been and where I have gone.  And then there was the hope.  Where I was now.  I told her about my last trip up to Iowa.  I told her about my beautiful wife and how God has shined on our lives.  He hasn't taken away our challenges and obstacles, but He gave me a life partner to help me through life.  I am blessed, beyond measure.  Those people that I pushed away that loved me unconditionally are back in my life.  And I have new friends, healthy friends.  I have people who want me around.  And those that did not know that other side of me, sometimes they are baffled.  Really, that was you?  I can't see it, your so different now.  That difference is all God.  He laid before me a path, and I followed.  He laid some decisions before me and I made them with counsel from God through him and others.  He has spoken through my parents in guidance and wisdom.  I have had paths where I could take the easy way.  The world says go after the money, you have to seize your moment.  Instead I have followed my life verse, Isaiah 40:31 which in effect says that those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.  I am 51 now by the grace of God and my parents, thankfully, have been alive to see God work on me and turn me around.  Here is the thing, if I did pursue the money, seize the moment, I might miss moments like I had with these two people.  I don't want to miss things like that because possessions are fleeting, here one day, gone the next, but relationships, well, they are so much more important.

But this blog is not just about me.  Ginger has had a difficult time this week.  We are coming out of it now, but it just shows the nature of bipolar and anxiety.  She has been going down (slowly) on one of her meds.  So starting Wednesday she began having an anxiety attack at the same time (6pm).  We figured out that each of those days, because we were going to go out to eat at night, she skipped lunch so she could eat more at dinner.  It is really important, because of her meds, that she eats, even a little something.  She was drinking a protein drink (which is good for her) in place of some of the lunches.  But with no food in her system, and the reduction of medication, that was a recipe for an anxiety attack.  So much of the skipping of meals (or meal replacement with the shake) is born out of wanting to lose weight.  It is a struggle she has fought with for years.  For the most part she has done this in a healthy way.  She's gone from 185 to 135 since I married her.  Because her medications have a side effect of weight gain, she has been diligent at exercise and we have tweaked her eating schedule (at least until recently) to facilitate eating healthy but losing weight.  Sweets are a big weakness for her so she has to be careful when she eats them.  And with everyone having an opinion on the best way for her to eat that can lead to some confusion, that and her drive to get to a certain weight.   Enter her husband.  I live with my wife 24/7.  I dislike when people try to give advice and they are not here all the time to know what works and what doesn't.  Because my wife's memory does not work well, she has to rely on me to fill in the gaps. I have watched what has worked.    So when she tells others sometimes she leaves things out.  For me, the most important thing is my wife's health.  I understand her desire to achieve a certain weight, I don't know many women who have not struggled with body image.

So here it is.  Do you know what works?  First not eating at night.  Not eating in the middle of the night either.  Not getting up at 5am, eating breakfast, and going back to bed.  Eating a healthy breakfast (oatmeal and she sometimes has a couple of small tortilla's with sugar and cinammon). When she was eating turkey patties and veggies at lunch, that helped big. (Replacing this with a protien shake is not something I am sure about will work but she wants to try that this week).   Have a snack in the middle of the afternoon (yogurt or apple and cheese).  Eat a sensible dinner.  Don't eat after dinner.  Restricting, skipping meals, never, ever works in the long run.   Decaf coffee is good that is why we have a Keurig elite.  Walking Sophie each day.  This formula above is what got Ginger from 185 to 135.  Saturday nights we would go to Chili's and she has lately gotten the eggrolls which she loves.  We are scaling back on that to once a month having the eggrolls.  Fine with me, I love Jason's and Panera!

Let me say this.  She has suffered from anxiety attacks for years.  The usual method of combating them was take meds, eat (because she hadn't eaten), and take a nap to reset the brain.  Phasing out the meds means the eating and nap are taking on bigger importance.  This is a work in progress, but she does not have to walk this journey alone.  She is beginning to journal and I continue to try to be supportive and give advice when needed.  My desire is this, I just want my wife healthy and I want her happy.  If your wondering, I think my wife looks absolutely amazing.  I thought she was gorgeous at 185 and I think she is gorgeous now.  Don't get me wrong, she is beautiful on the outside, but inside she is truly radiant.

So now you have been given the update for the week.  God is good, I cannot stress that enough, and has done and continues to do amazing things in Gingers and I's life.

Baa