Week 2: Taking off the Mask
So for Week 2 I was able to get alone with my camera a few times. Having cleaned up and organized my studio, for the most part, I was ready to get in there and try out an idea I have had for a while. Two hours, and about 90 shots later (thank goodness for digital) trying various ideas I came out with a couple of shots I really liked. Here is my favorite:
So normally I do not go extensively into the behind the scenes work. I originally had two flashes going. One on the side and one in the mask. I tried that for a while and then using just one flash in the mask I came up with the look I wanted.
What you do not see is that I had the flash being held between my shoulder and neck and my pinkie kind of balancing the flash. Manual flash is wonderful because I can control the amount of light I want.
Having done that I wanted to try and get some smoke in there. I have these short incense sticks. I lit one and tried that and wasn't getting much smoke. So then I did 3 and mounted them (with mounting putty) on the flash to light up the smoke. And that was the missing piece. But that is what it takes when your taking a creative shot. Sometimes the shot is just there and sometimes it is like a puzzle and you just piece each piece together till you get the whole picture. The whole process is a blast. Trying to get that center spot on your eye for tack sharp photos is an art. I usually make a mark where it is going to be and line my eye up there.
The theme of the photo is about coming out from behind the mask and smoke. Have you ever changed yourself to be what someone else wants you to be? Maybe you go along with the crowd. Maybe you agree to something that you don't really want to do. Or maybe somebody tries to convince you to do something you really don't want to do. Maybe someone is trying to control your life. I will let you answer those questions in your own lives, for me I can say yes to each of those. I have. I have worn the mask and hidden behind the smoke wishing I could just be me. It could be codependency, it could just be extreme shyness, or not believing in yourself. Again, speaking for me, been there wrote the book.
For example, Ginger has bipolar and anxiety. We make no secret about it. But I do not try to control every facet of her life. I help her with life. She is in charge of her medication but I come along and help check behind her. She makes her appointments. If she needs help, she asks. I take care of some of the bills, she takes care of others (she takes pride in handling the rent). When the disorder gets hard on her I can take up the slack as her caretaker, but we are a team. And when it is hard on me, she steps up. We communicate. And something that is really important to me, I want her to be her. I want her to have a voice, even with me. She can express her opinion. She can make decisions. She isn't a robot. Usually she bounces those opinions and decisions off of me. If either of us make a bad decision we talk about it and figure out how we are not going to make that decision again. That is marriage people. It is a partnership. Sometimes I carry the relationship and sometimes she does but most times we carry it together. I have always encouraged Ginger that making mistakes is okay. It's okay. Can I say that again? It's okay. Learn from them. Don't make the same one's over and over however. Can I say this, Ginger is finding her voice. Look, just because you have bipolar, depression, PTSD, anxiety, the list goes on, does not mean that your life is relegated to everyone deciding what is best for you. Suggestions are great and welcome, but in the end you MUST respect that as adults we can think for ourselves.
I enjoy being me. Just me. Warts and all. I am not perfect, I am quirky and I am completely comfortable with being in my own skin now. The final straw for me? A couple of months ago when I let perfectionism and someone else's expectations take me to a place I did not want to be. I had been letting someone learn something by letting them practice and it did not turn out well. Did we fix it? Yes. But I took some heat and took it to heart. I am so glad it happened. I had a wonderful talk with Ginger. Not only that but had one of the best community group meetings I've ever had. Things got real, and I mean really real. No more masks. No more smoke. As well we had been trying out another ministry (not at our church). But something happened with two of the leaders. One was paying a little too much attention to my wife, not respecting the fact she was married. And another leader decided to ignore me one night at the ministry because of some things that happened outside the ministry, something that was not my fault I might add. So I decided that for my family it was best not to go. I didn't mind the ignoring, that is not my problem, what the problem was is other people within the ministry noticed. So here I am. This period of time changed me explicitly. Priorities were wrong. Look jobs and ministry are important but they are not more important than God, family, friends, your well being. Yes we need to provide for our families but I was putting faith in my ability to provide for my family and not putting faith in God to provide that. After all, He has gotten me each job since I have been sober. And each one has been better than the next. I love what I do and the people I work with and take pride in what I do. When 5pm hits, I leave the job at the shop. Any problems that arise, well, they are fixable. And ministry. Well, God has shown me that my photography is part of my ministry, my wife is, and my community group is. I must let God guide me where He wants me to go. It is through this in which this idea was born (As you can see a lot more behind the scenes of why I wanted to do this shot). Just as last year my word from God was trust, I feel more than ever that that word continues, trust. Trust me. He knows my future and what is best for it, I just have to follow where He leads.
Well that became a little longer than what I thought it would be lol. But it leads into my second shot. I have a Facebook group I am part of with people mostly in England but around the globe as well and I made this for that group. It is a variant of a picture I had already done however this was with my new lens:
Another shot but in Bleach Bypass mode:
Fyi, on the chair you can see a quilt, that maroon, blue and tan. Happens to be my favorite blanket. It was the first from my Mom who made it and to me, it is priceless. But everything in this picture, from Sophie, to the pictures to what is on the end table are things that I love.
So lastly. Brian, the new guy at work, and I went to lunch last week at the Blue Store. They make wonderful hamburgers. Brian sat down and went over and I looked to the left and could not believe my eyes. I found this:
So for those that do not know Rocket Fizz use to be in Tyler and had lots of craft soda. This was my all time favorite and would go in and stock up. In fact, probably my favorite soda with my green apple 1891 being my second. When Rocket Fizz closed I could not find this anywhere. Even when we went to Tennessee and the Rocket Fizz their they did not have it. I was extremely bummed. Haven't found it anywhere for a couple of years. So imagine my surprise. So, of course, fun money in hand, I bought a bunch and I was assured they stocked it quite a bit. And so, happy days ahead for me. And that first drink, well, it was heaven!
Well that is it from me on this Sunday! I pray everyone is doing well, looking forward to a relaxing afternoon and I imagine I am going to have a little fur ball sleeping on Daddy....Life is good....
Baa
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| Taking off the Mask |
So normally I do not go extensively into the behind the scenes work. I originally had two flashes going. One on the side and one in the mask. I tried that for a while and then using just one flash in the mask I came up with the look I wanted.
What you do not see is that I had the flash being held between my shoulder and neck and my pinkie kind of balancing the flash. Manual flash is wonderful because I can control the amount of light I want.
Having done that I wanted to try and get some smoke in there. I have these short incense sticks. I lit one and tried that and wasn't getting much smoke. So then I did 3 and mounted them (with mounting putty) on the flash to light up the smoke. And that was the missing piece. But that is what it takes when your taking a creative shot. Sometimes the shot is just there and sometimes it is like a puzzle and you just piece each piece together till you get the whole picture. The whole process is a blast. Trying to get that center spot on your eye for tack sharp photos is an art. I usually make a mark where it is going to be and line my eye up there.
The theme of the photo is about coming out from behind the mask and smoke. Have you ever changed yourself to be what someone else wants you to be? Maybe you go along with the crowd. Maybe you agree to something that you don't really want to do. Or maybe somebody tries to convince you to do something you really don't want to do. Maybe someone is trying to control your life. I will let you answer those questions in your own lives, for me I can say yes to each of those. I have. I have worn the mask and hidden behind the smoke wishing I could just be me. It could be codependency, it could just be extreme shyness, or not believing in yourself. Again, speaking for me, been there wrote the book.
For example, Ginger has bipolar and anxiety. We make no secret about it. But I do not try to control every facet of her life. I help her with life. She is in charge of her medication but I come along and help check behind her. She makes her appointments. If she needs help, she asks. I take care of some of the bills, she takes care of others (she takes pride in handling the rent). When the disorder gets hard on her I can take up the slack as her caretaker, but we are a team. And when it is hard on me, she steps up. We communicate. And something that is really important to me, I want her to be her. I want her to have a voice, even with me. She can express her opinion. She can make decisions. She isn't a robot. Usually she bounces those opinions and decisions off of me. If either of us make a bad decision we talk about it and figure out how we are not going to make that decision again. That is marriage people. It is a partnership. Sometimes I carry the relationship and sometimes she does but most times we carry it together. I have always encouraged Ginger that making mistakes is okay. It's okay. Can I say that again? It's okay. Learn from them. Don't make the same one's over and over however. Can I say this, Ginger is finding her voice. Look, just because you have bipolar, depression, PTSD, anxiety, the list goes on, does not mean that your life is relegated to everyone deciding what is best for you. Suggestions are great and welcome, but in the end you MUST respect that as adults we can think for ourselves.
I enjoy being me. Just me. Warts and all. I am not perfect, I am quirky and I am completely comfortable with being in my own skin now. The final straw for me? A couple of months ago when I let perfectionism and someone else's expectations take me to a place I did not want to be. I had been letting someone learn something by letting them practice and it did not turn out well. Did we fix it? Yes. But I took some heat and took it to heart. I am so glad it happened. I had a wonderful talk with Ginger. Not only that but had one of the best community group meetings I've ever had. Things got real, and I mean really real. No more masks. No more smoke. As well we had been trying out another ministry (not at our church). But something happened with two of the leaders. One was paying a little too much attention to my wife, not respecting the fact she was married. And another leader decided to ignore me one night at the ministry because of some things that happened outside the ministry, something that was not my fault I might add. So I decided that for my family it was best not to go. I didn't mind the ignoring, that is not my problem, what the problem was is other people within the ministry noticed. So here I am. This period of time changed me explicitly. Priorities were wrong. Look jobs and ministry are important but they are not more important than God, family, friends, your well being. Yes we need to provide for our families but I was putting faith in my ability to provide for my family and not putting faith in God to provide that. After all, He has gotten me each job since I have been sober. And each one has been better than the next. I love what I do and the people I work with and take pride in what I do. When 5pm hits, I leave the job at the shop. Any problems that arise, well, they are fixable. And ministry. Well, God has shown me that my photography is part of my ministry, my wife is, and my community group is. I must let God guide me where He wants me to go. It is through this in which this idea was born (As you can see a lot more behind the scenes of why I wanted to do this shot). Just as last year my word from God was trust, I feel more than ever that that word continues, trust. Trust me. He knows my future and what is best for it, I just have to follow where He leads.
Well that became a little longer than what I thought it would be lol. But it leads into my second shot. I have a Facebook group I am part of with people mostly in England but around the globe as well and I made this for that group. It is a variant of a picture I had already done however this was with my new lens:
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| Sophie and Paul |
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| Surrounded by Love |
So lastly. Brian, the new guy at work, and I went to lunch last week at the Blue Store. They make wonderful hamburgers. Brian sat down and went over and I looked to the left and could not believe my eyes. I found this:
So for those that do not know Rocket Fizz use to be in Tyler and had lots of craft soda. This was my all time favorite and would go in and stock up. In fact, probably my favorite soda with my green apple 1891 being my second. When Rocket Fizz closed I could not find this anywhere. Even when we went to Tennessee and the Rocket Fizz their they did not have it. I was extremely bummed. Haven't found it anywhere for a couple of years. So imagine my surprise. So, of course, fun money in hand, I bought a bunch and I was assured they stocked it quite a bit. And so, happy days ahead for me. And that first drink, well, it was heaven!
Well that is it from me on this Sunday! I pray everyone is doing well, looking forward to a relaxing afternoon and I imagine I am going to have a little fur ball sleeping on Daddy....Life is good....
Baa
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