Week 41: Anxiety
So yesterday I was able to go back to the ranch and work. Nice getting back there after a couple of weeks and a Tennessee vacation behind us! And after the week of work I had, it is refreshing to come here and just feel God's peace and calm surround me. So my buddy for the morning was Peanut, a miniature horse. Quite shy around a camera he eventually did let me get this shot:
So last night, while we were listening to the rain outside and watching Hallmark (and I Live PD on my tablet), we noticed Sophie poking her head up on the couch in the midst of her toys, blanket and pillow:
She had just woken up so this is a very sleepy look for her! Usually we pile all her toys up on the couch and then throw them and she chases them. Quite comical really. She is quite full of energy!
So one of the items I got in Tennessee was a caramel apple. But not just any caramel apple....
Oh yes this thing was very yummy! Chocolate, caramel and the spider was made from marshmallows. This thing was very good to eat. This season I have been big on caramel apples and corn dogs for some reason.
So let's turn serious for a moment. I won't be too long. Ginger and I had a discussion on Friday night about anxiety. She was in the midst of an anxiety attack and was frustrated with the fact that she felt I did not understand what she went through. Oh but I do I said, in fact I have anxiety attacks quite often. I am just not vocal with it. And I proceeded to explain to her exactly what I do go through and she realized that, in fact, I do understand. I wanted to shield her from mine because of all she has to go through. Except where she has medication to take, I taken none. I have developed coping skills. At one time alcohol and drugs helped me. But when that was taken away I had to learn to go through the storm of anxiety. Trust me, in the height of an anxiety attack I want to do everything but go through what I am being anxious about. But I have learned to face my fears instead of running from them.
So what makes me anxious? New places and new people for one. Either in person or on the phone. I have told a lot of people that if it were not for Ginger and my immediate family I would not have a phone. Talking to starngers on the phone is hard for me. But can you imagine if I told my boss I could not go meet a new customer because I was anxious? Trust me, it makes me extremely anxious, too many unknowns usually, and usually I am alone. Quite often I feel abandoned, figure it out yourself. Some of you right now are going I don't get it. And yet some of you are saying exactly, that is me. Here is the oxymoron. I am fantastic at customer service. I know how to talk to people. But around strangers I am not in my element. Now once I meet someone, and they are not a stranger, I have no problems. If you do not understand anxiety, this will probably not make much sense.
I will give you an example because flying makes me anxious. Going through security doesn't bother me, what bothers me is the unknowns. What if I miss the flight for example? Ginger will tell you when I fly I am usually getting to the airport way early and most of that is so that I don't get too anxious, especially since we have a two hour trip to the airport and traffic. So does that stop me from flying? No. I face the fear. I leave early. I do the things that I can control to eliminate as much of the unknowns as I can. Some of you are going, well if you miss it you miss it. Your missing the point. Anxiety is in the brain. You cannot just "turn it off". You can try to reason with yourself, but fight or flight syndrome can kick in. Once the stressor has been removed or you have gone through the stressful situation, the anxiety for me leaves.
So some of the coping mechanisms I use are when I am anxious about a situation having someone with me (like Ginger) helps me not feel alone with my anxiety. And usually if I am with an extrovert so much the better because they are not anxious with strangers like me. But the biggest thing is facing the fear with God's help. And that can be hard. If I had my way, seriously, I would take pictures all day, have close friends and family around me, and not deal with strangers. I could easily be a recluse. But thanks be to God that I am not a recluse. God stretches me and there have been many times in the midst of an anxiety attack that I have felt God beside me, whispering the way through.
So some of you right now are going, you Paul, you suffer from this? Yes. You have no idea the torment that I have gone through in my mind. This blog has been a source of healing, venting, and a journal of the things that Ginger and I go through. Lots of happy times and some difficult times but I am amazed at how God put Ginger and I together to help each other through life. She is definitely the love of my life and has helped me in so many ways. So just another aspect of Paul that few even knew about but this seemed the right time to share.
Baa
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| Peanut |
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| Sophie |
So one of the items I got in Tennessee was a caramel apple. But not just any caramel apple....
Oh yes this thing was very yummy! Chocolate, caramel and the spider was made from marshmallows. This thing was very good to eat. This season I have been big on caramel apples and corn dogs for some reason.
So let's turn serious for a moment. I won't be too long. Ginger and I had a discussion on Friday night about anxiety. She was in the midst of an anxiety attack and was frustrated with the fact that she felt I did not understand what she went through. Oh but I do I said, in fact I have anxiety attacks quite often. I am just not vocal with it. And I proceeded to explain to her exactly what I do go through and she realized that, in fact, I do understand. I wanted to shield her from mine because of all she has to go through. Except where she has medication to take, I taken none. I have developed coping skills. At one time alcohol and drugs helped me. But when that was taken away I had to learn to go through the storm of anxiety. Trust me, in the height of an anxiety attack I want to do everything but go through what I am being anxious about. But I have learned to face my fears instead of running from them.
So what makes me anxious? New places and new people for one. Either in person or on the phone. I have told a lot of people that if it were not for Ginger and my immediate family I would not have a phone. Talking to starngers on the phone is hard for me. But can you imagine if I told my boss I could not go meet a new customer because I was anxious? Trust me, it makes me extremely anxious, too many unknowns usually, and usually I am alone. Quite often I feel abandoned, figure it out yourself. Some of you right now are going I don't get it. And yet some of you are saying exactly, that is me. Here is the oxymoron. I am fantastic at customer service. I know how to talk to people. But around strangers I am not in my element. Now once I meet someone, and they are not a stranger, I have no problems. If you do not understand anxiety, this will probably not make much sense.
I will give you an example because flying makes me anxious. Going through security doesn't bother me, what bothers me is the unknowns. What if I miss the flight for example? Ginger will tell you when I fly I am usually getting to the airport way early and most of that is so that I don't get too anxious, especially since we have a two hour trip to the airport and traffic. So does that stop me from flying? No. I face the fear. I leave early. I do the things that I can control to eliminate as much of the unknowns as I can. Some of you are going, well if you miss it you miss it. Your missing the point. Anxiety is in the brain. You cannot just "turn it off". You can try to reason with yourself, but fight or flight syndrome can kick in. Once the stressor has been removed or you have gone through the stressful situation, the anxiety for me leaves.
So some of the coping mechanisms I use are when I am anxious about a situation having someone with me (like Ginger) helps me not feel alone with my anxiety. And usually if I am with an extrovert so much the better because they are not anxious with strangers like me. But the biggest thing is facing the fear with God's help. And that can be hard. If I had my way, seriously, I would take pictures all day, have close friends and family around me, and not deal with strangers. I could easily be a recluse. But thanks be to God that I am not a recluse. God stretches me and there have been many times in the midst of an anxiety attack that I have felt God beside me, whispering the way through.
So some of you right now are going, you Paul, you suffer from this? Yes. You have no idea the torment that I have gone through in my mind. This blog has been a source of healing, venting, and a journal of the things that Ginger and I go through. Lots of happy times and some difficult times but I am amazed at how God put Ginger and I together to help each other through life. She is definitely the love of my life and has helped me in so many ways. So just another aspect of Paul that few even knew about but this seemed the right time to share.
Baa
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