Week 15: Bees, Flowers, Self Portraits and Dealing with Temptation
So one of my favorite pictures of this week (and Ginger's) was this shot:
This is one of those shots that was not perfect, technically, and yet captured the moment perfectly. I thought I had the wrong f-stop dialed in but apparently that was a happy accident. I had one day to capture this, the bee never showed up again. I have a Hazard 4 Slingback Photo Pack that keeps my lens and camera nice and safe and all in one spot. Makes it easy to carry everywhere and get shots like this.
So Azalea season is coming to a close. The flowers are falling off now and now other flowers and colors are coming through. So I had a priority this week of getting some studio pictures of azalea's before I lost them for another year. So armed with a few pink and white azalea's and a couple of manual flashes and umbrellas....
I have continued to experiment (with myself) in flash lighting portraits. It really is a lot of fun, though I am about to create a setup so I can see the pictures as I take them. I can either use my spare laptop or get a $100 video monitor for my camera. Either way just another way to play with photography! But I digress. Here are two examples of my self portraits that Ginger liked:
So this was my favorite. I was looking for moody and mysterious.
Ginger's favorite. She likes it when I smile, lol! Again a little mysterious with just a hint of a mischievous smile....
So on the writing end of the blog, one of the questions I am asked quite a bit by other addicts and their loved ones is now I handle temptation. Really the first question I get is, do I get tempted, then the second is how do I handle it. This is at the forefront of my mind as I think of two people I know of right now who have embarked on the journey of recovery. Each day is a victory. Heck, every hour is sometimes!
So to answer the first question, yes I am still tempted. Early recovery is not easy, let me be up front. But it is possible. And yes at first it is hard but with each victory it gets a little easier to say no. Your fighting a physical addiction and your fighting a mental addiction. Your brain tells you you are going to die if you do not use. The feelings you numbed become so intense and your mind tells you, whispers sometimes, yells at other times, that with one drink or use and it will all go away.
And if I stopped there, how hopeless that would seem. But there are tools we can use to fight back. So how do I handle temptation?
Let me tell you about my latest temptation. It was Saturday. Are you shocked? You shouldn't be. As much recovery that I have I am still a decision away. I was walking in the grocery store looking for cream of chicken soup and half and half. The two things I forgot when I did the grocery shopping. Walking along the back aisle I walked by a display that had alcohol. And there was that thought, those would taste so good. So there is the temptation. There is the thought. So what do you do?
The first step, keep walking. Don't stop and look. Don't fantasize about how that would taste. And do not walk down the aisle of alcohol, that is a death sentence. Instead I walked straight to the half and half. I got what I needed, kept focused, and got what I needed and got out. I talk about all the time just make the right decision for that step. Don't over think it. If I got out of the store and felt a pull to go back in I would have called Ginger. That's the next step. I would tell her, hey just got tempted, pray for me, I am coming home. Nothing wrong with calling a friend and saying hey, pray for me I am going through something (you do not have to get specific) and just need to make it home. This is why having a support group is so important.
In early recovery when I got to Tyler, I avoided any place that had alcohol. I would not go into a gas station alone that had alcohol in it for the longest time. If I wanted a cold coke I could go to a walmart gas station and go to the outside kiosk. Restaurants that served alcohol I would not go in alone. Everyone I was with did not necessarily need to know I was a recovering alcoholic, though I tended not to go with people that drank or people that knew that I didn't drink. If you want to keep anonymous, there is nothing wrong with saying, hey I am driving, I do not need to drink. But the people I hung around with definitely changed. Heck now, if a waiter asks if I want an alcoholic beverage I am more apt to tell them that would not be a good idea because I am in recovery. Sometimes it starts a pretty good conversation.
I drank the most at home though, when I did drink. So one of the things that I had to do was fill in the time that I drank with something else constructive. Reading, drawing, photography for me now, I kept myself busy. And if I was home and tempted, knowing I had nothing at home, the best thing I could do was stay at home. The temptation will pass. The feeling will lessen. Don't get me wrong, early on it can be maddening but that is just the withdraw. It gets better. Usually after about 10 minutes.
So does it get easier? Yes, most definitely. I can get tempted now and since I have the right tools they are almost automatic. A relapse always starts in the mind. And there is always planning. The quicker you begin using the tools when your mind begins to go there the more you will not convince yourself that taking a drink is a good idea. When you begin to fantasize about it, you forget how bad it can get, and you just remember how good it can feel or how wonderful the numbness will be. But it is always fleeting, and the feelings come back. Better to deal with things now, get the right tools, build a good support group, and learn to live life on life's terms. Otherwise, as Pop Evil says, You have to deal with the devil.
Baa
 |
| Pollen and the Bee |
So Azalea season is coming to a close. The flowers are falling off now and now other flowers and colors are coming through. So I had a priority this week of getting some studio pictures of azalea's before I lost them for another year. So armed with a few pink and white azalea's and a couple of manual flashes and umbrellas....
 |
| Pink Azalea |
 |
| White Azalea |
I have continued to experiment (with myself) in flash lighting portraits. It really is a lot of fun, though I am about to create a setup so I can see the pictures as I take them. I can either use my spare laptop or get a $100 video monitor for my camera. Either way just another way to play with photography! But I digress. Here are two examples of my self portraits that Ginger liked:
 |
| Split Lighting |
So this was my favorite. I was looking for moody and mysterious.
 |
| Rembrandt Lighting |
Ginger's favorite. She likes it when I smile, lol! Again a little mysterious with just a hint of a mischievous smile....
So on the writing end of the blog, one of the questions I am asked quite a bit by other addicts and their loved ones is now I handle temptation. Really the first question I get is, do I get tempted, then the second is how do I handle it. This is at the forefront of my mind as I think of two people I know of right now who have embarked on the journey of recovery. Each day is a victory. Heck, every hour is sometimes!
So to answer the first question, yes I am still tempted. Early recovery is not easy, let me be up front. But it is possible. And yes at first it is hard but with each victory it gets a little easier to say no. Your fighting a physical addiction and your fighting a mental addiction. Your brain tells you you are going to die if you do not use. The feelings you numbed become so intense and your mind tells you, whispers sometimes, yells at other times, that with one drink or use and it will all go away.
And if I stopped there, how hopeless that would seem. But there are tools we can use to fight back. So how do I handle temptation?
Let me tell you about my latest temptation. It was Saturday. Are you shocked? You shouldn't be. As much recovery that I have I am still a decision away. I was walking in the grocery store looking for cream of chicken soup and half and half. The two things I forgot when I did the grocery shopping. Walking along the back aisle I walked by a display that had alcohol. And there was that thought, those would taste so good. So there is the temptation. There is the thought. So what do you do?
The first step, keep walking. Don't stop and look. Don't fantasize about how that would taste. And do not walk down the aisle of alcohol, that is a death sentence. Instead I walked straight to the half and half. I got what I needed, kept focused, and got what I needed and got out. I talk about all the time just make the right decision for that step. Don't over think it. If I got out of the store and felt a pull to go back in I would have called Ginger. That's the next step. I would tell her, hey just got tempted, pray for me, I am coming home. Nothing wrong with calling a friend and saying hey, pray for me I am going through something (you do not have to get specific) and just need to make it home. This is why having a support group is so important.
In early recovery when I got to Tyler, I avoided any place that had alcohol. I would not go into a gas station alone that had alcohol in it for the longest time. If I wanted a cold coke I could go to a walmart gas station and go to the outside kiosk. Restaurants that served alcohol I would not go in alone. Everyone I was with did not necessarily need to know I was a recovering alcoholic, though I tended not to go with people that drank or people that knew that I didn't drink. If you want to keep anonymous, there is nothing wrong with saying, hey I am driving, I do not need to drink. But the people I hung around with definitely changed. Heck now, if a waiter asks if I want an alcoholic beverage I am more apt to tell them that would not be a good idea because I am in recovery. Sometimes it starts a pretty good conversation.
I drank the most at home though, when I did drink. So one of the things that I had to do was fill in the time that I drank with something else constructive. Reading, drawing, photography for me now, I kept myself busy. And if I was home and tempted, knowing I had nothing at home, the best thing I could do was stay at home. The temptation will pass. The feeling will lessen. Don't get me wrong, early on it can be maddening but that is just the withdraw. It gets better. Usually after about 10 minutes.
So does it get easier? Yes, most definitely. I can get tempted now and since I have the right tools they are almost automatic. A relapse always starts in the mind. And there is always planning. The quicker you begin using the tools when your mind begins to go there the more you will not convince yourself that taking a drink is a good idea. When you begin to fantasize about it, you forget how bad it can get, and you just remember how good it can feel or how wonderful the numbness will be. But it is always fleeting, and the feelings come back. Better to deal with things now, get the right tools, build a good support group, and learn to live life on life's terms. Otherwise, as Pop Evil says, You have to deal with the devil.
Baa
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