A Season for Everything

Ah yes, Sunday and schedule back on track!  Nap time was on schedule, and I even got to do some honey do's around the house.  Small things, but hey, that's why I get the big kisses....

Yesterday was able to help out with hanging some blinds.  The significant part of it was just a simple phrase that was told to me, a season for everything.  I reflected on that for the rest of the day.  Mind you, it was refreshing to hear.  I'd talked about cutting back at Celebrate Recovery.  For the past couple (several?) years I'd been, well excuse the term mom (and if it gets past the EDITOR, ill be amazed), balls to the wall.   I'd so immersed myself in the past with ministry that I believe part of me had blurred the line between performance and actually serving God out of a pure heart.  I could put the blame on the ministry before Celebrate Recovery and the philosophy of putting your nose to the grind and filling up all your time with ministry work.  But I can't rightly put all the blame there, I did, consequently, have a choice.  But approval seeking, people pleasing, alas codependency was still being worked on and I still had tendencies.  I remember the day before my wedding telling my Dad I'd worked alot on codependency and he told me I still had a ways to go.  Ouch, but so very true.  Didn't realize how much more till I was actually married.  We both, Ginger and I, had ways to go.  Ginger had her own battles with codependency that she is making great strides on.  I have, as well, though it is a lifelong journey.  But stepping back from performing, from being the go to guy, from being mr. I'll do everything you ask, was an important step for me, not only as an individual, but as a husband as well.  I mean, every Christian is called to ministry, so that is important right?  But then, God has put this wonderful woman in my life to be my wife?  So when there is a choice, what do you choose?  Rhetorical question, I know the answer.  The problem was, for me, I was putting God and ministry in the same category.  They weren't separate to me for so long.  And as I grew in my recovery from codependency, as I began to define Paul and who Paul was, I found a love in God like never before.  He made me how I am.  As well I found that loving my wife as God loves me gave me great joy and lessons from God.  I also found that God uses our marriage, our lives, as a testimony to Him and that ministry came out of that.  When there is conflict with ministry and my wife as far as choosing, wifey is the first choice.  I use to agonize when she was sick at home with bipolar and there I was at CR because I didn't want to let those people down.  Things are different now.  Don't get me wrong, I love CR, it is a great ministry and I will be there for a very long time.  But CR doesn't define me, ministry doesn't define me, God does.  I've seen too many marriages struggle because one person is so entrenched in ministry that their family becomes second fiddle.  I don't believe that is in God's plan.  I believe, in fact, that as least for me, it is God's plan to grow our marriage like He has and will lead us in those things of ministry that He wants us to do. 

For so long I didn't know how to relax.  Had to be doing something.  Busy little beaver.  Do you know what I've found?  It's okay to spend all day Saturday reading if I so choose.  It's okay to lay in bed on your day off and not get up.  It's okay to lounge around the house, relaxing with my wife, and not feel I have to be doing something.  In fact, it's okay to sit down and blog!  It's okay to go out every Saturday night with my wife and have a date.  And it's okay to come home after a hard day at work and relax with my wife. 

The fact is, since I've made changes, I'm starting to see a change in me.  I'm less stressed.  I'm more carefree and goofy (Ready for Zombies?).  Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking giving up on church, ministry, etc.  But I am talking about priorities, and, well, for everything there is a season.  True Words...Thanks Tanna...

Baaa....